And we remain alive but busy.  Alex has been here for the last 3 weeks and leaves for Europe this evening.  Work still going on in house so chaos reigns.  Kids are in good form.  Heat is a pain - in the 90's. I promise to get back to writing proper posts soonish

STILL ALIVE

No Samuel Pepys am I.  But we are alive albeit very busy.  Alex is having a great visit, Joey is generally good but occasionally a nightmare - especially when he has mouth ulcers at Anne's parents 60th anniversary celebrations at Mohonk and Izzy is doing fine.  Looking a bit better for returning to Brazil.   House still a bit of a mess but getting there.  Business starting to catch on - helped by the fact that I understand it better now.  So all well and will try to do better with my blog.

This is probably the longest that I have gone without posting something since not sure when!  Just back from a week in the UK and Ireland for college 30th anniversary of graduation from Trinity College, Dublin.  A night with my Dad first, then 2 nights in Dublin and then 2 nights in Belfast seeing friends and family.  Back home today and we move house tomorrow, so no time to chat.

Anne took Joey back to Dr W yesterday.  2 hr session.  On the way back, Joey was leaning out the window shouting 'I love the world'.  he was in great form all day and last night, as Anne was putting him to bed, he told her how happy he was and how much he loved his bed, his family, his life etc.

Wow!

Anne took Joey to see a visiting doctor recommended by his old teacher.  A bit hippy dippy, all about lines of energy and feeling the love, allied to a massages designed to relax the muscles, which allow a freer flow of blood to the brain thus solving all the world's problems.  Or at least helping Joey.  Not sure but we are willing to give it a lash.  Can't do any harm.

I also went for a talk at the Princeton Learning Cooperative yesterday evening.  V interesting.  Place where kids go when they don't want to go to main stream high school.  Main message re Joey was relax, let the deschool and then design a curriculum that will focus on his passions.  So that is what we will do. 

Izzy played with Grace this afternoon and now is playing with Jesse.  Joey played with Chris and jack and is now playing with Aaron.  All kids from this street, or the next street.  Nothing arranged.  No playdates.  The kids just turn up.  This will be a big loss. 

I am questioning the value of the blog.  I just don't seem to have the time/energy to write anything at all interesting!  Why is this?  It is certainly true that having Joey at home does take up a good deal of time and energy.  And my new business keeps me busy.  I believe that I am starting to get traction with North American Power, starting to understand it better and to see the real potential.  Big day today as one of the big not for profits that we are working on has an executive committee meeting to discuss this. If they say yes, and I think they will, then that will be a big step forward.

We are moving stuff over to the house and plan to make the actual move when I come back from Ireland - heading over for the 30th anniversary celebration of our graduation.   But really don't want to leave the Boro!  I like walking to the café, shops, pub.  They are nice people here.  Went to the D & R Ball on Saturday.  We actually KNOW lots of people here.  Compare that to the number we knew after 2 years in Oxshott.

Much better couple of days with Joey, a joy to be with most of the time.  Working out well with Remy, our new day-time child minder, and played nicely with Chris and Jack.  let's hope it lasts.

Another rough day with Joey.  We went up to Ridgewood.  Rob and crew were there and it was also Anne's Uncvle Dick's b'day - he lost his wife a couple of weeks ago.  Anne and I both spoke to him about how difficult the afternoon might be and how important it was, particularly for Anne, that bpth the kids be very well behaved.

In some ways Joey did try very hard - a bit too hard in some way, slightly hyper.  But in other ways, it was not a good afternoon.  we know that Joey is over-active and finds it hard to do nothing, but, despite what Anne told him, he kept coming up and telling us he was 'bored' and then demanding more food that he could not eat, and complaining that Danny did not want to do anything etc etc.  Anne was very upset.

Two very rough evenings with Joey, which ended in him calling Anne and ugly witch (although I thought that the second word was an even nastier one).  All starts with either dinner and a 'This is all disgusting' approach from Joey, or bloody Minecraft and not getting what he wants from it.  Coincidently, we allowed Joey to have, as an experiment, chips two days ago, chips in batter.  If Joey is better in the next day or so, we will know how bad an impact 'illegal' food has on him.  V upsetting for all of us, 

We close on our new house tomorrow and are both rather underwhelmed by the prospect.  Not sure why, perhaps just the general uncertainty in our lives, perhaps also the fact that we do really like living in the Boro, and the kids have all the neighbouring kids to play with.  Oh, well, we shall see what happens when we actually move.

We are still alive but I struggle to find the time or the energy to write much.  We are closing on the house next Wednesday, my little windpower business is keeping me busy - have not actually earned much yet but am now up to about 14 people enrolled, of whom 4  or 5 have the potential to do well.  What I  really need is  for a few not for profits to sign up, then I will be on a roll.

And, of course, the kids take up lots of energy, especially joey being at home all day.  We have decided to hire somebody to help out, basically being a companion to joey so that he is kept busy, and allow us to get on with everything else.  We were recommended a young man called Remy and Anne and Joey met him.  Seems to be what we need so he starts Monday.  Hopefully, that will work out well.

Joey had a very good Monday and Tuesday morning but not such a good Tuesday afternoon.  The problem is that - because of insecurity, we think - he tries to dominate the conversation, the play or other kids.  And then gets upset and over-reacts when things don't go his way.  This happened yesterday when he was playing with the neighbours kid.  It was getting a bit edgy and L's Mum called him in.  I asked Joey to come home and he stood there and simply refused.  So what was a minor episode became a major one. 

The other problems is that Joey struggles to listen and accept what Anne and I tell him about this, that this is why some kids don't want to play with him anymore and why he risks having Alex and Maury getting tired of his behavior as well.  He has to change.

On the positive side, he is listening more than he was and most of the time he is fine.  Chris and Jack came around later and the kids had a great time playing outside.  They love playing with Joey because he is so full of energy and ideas.  If he could just be more secure and hill, he would be fine.

I am wasting away!  Down to below 190lbs ie 13 stone and 8lbs.  Haven't been this light, I think since school.  Apart, perhaps, when I had Denge in Brazil. 

The lawyer in Rio has told us that the case is over.  Great news but the bureaucratic stuff might take a few months yet to get out of the way.  We hope that she has been cautious and she has said that she will do everything possible to get it finished.  A good egg, is Debora.  So no short trip in May/June but looking positive for July/August.

One step forward, two steps back, or so it seems with Joey.  Not sure how to describe what is happening except to say that he has an almighty chip on his shoulder.  Not only does he still over-react, and in a nasty way sometimes, but he then blames the counter-reaction on everybody else.  We are all 'mean' to him.  He complains about everything, it seems, and never sees the positive.  And then complains that he doesn't have any friends.  The sad bit is that, most of the time, he is a great wee kid, and a wonderful playmate.  But he does not get it that other kids will not put up with his over-reactions and moaning.  Woe is me!  My life is awful!  You are all mean to me!

It does drive us nuts at times and Anne had a very difficult day yesterday. She gets the worst of it.  And, unlike me, she never gets to get away.

I had a chat with Joey in the car this afternoon about how important it was to be extra-nice to Mummy as she was tired and it was Mother's Day.  We picked up Anne from Lorna's, where she had had a very pleasant Mother's Day lunch, and were all driving home.  Joey asked what was for dinner and Anne told him bouillabaisse.  "Ugh, that's horrible!  Disgusting!'.  And it went down hill with Anne and I then at fault for being mean to him.

We are struggling to know how to get this negativity out of him.  people used to say that our home was a really happy one.  Not at the moment.  And we worry about the effect on Izzy.

We have also told Joey that, if this continues, then he risks Alex and Maury distancing themselves from him. 

Joey is a lot happier now, less stressed and worries, less impulsive and angry, more affectionate and just like the real Joey.  Good progress so far.
And he is using his time usefully.  He would, of course, prefer to spend the day watching TV and playing Minecraft, or so he says, but he has stopped asking for it and instead is happy being ;busy; at drawing and playing.  His drawing is coming along very nicely, he has some real talent there, especially in drawing the expressions on the faces of people or animals.

Anne spoke to Deb and explained what she witnessed.  It made no difference - and we wouldn't want him to return there anyway.  The environment is too toxic for Joey.  Some of the kids know that they can wind Joey up and get away with it because attention will be focused on Joey's reaction.

So be it.  We know that Joey has his issues but we also know what a great kid he is.  he has;
dyslexia
dyspraxia
sensory processing disorder (probably)
ADHD in some form
insecurity issues from his first year.

We now are starting to think that this latter is perhaps more important than we thought.  Essentially he was very neglected and mal-nourished, his basic needs were not taken care of.

Given all this, he does remarkably well,  And we will help to do better.  First thing is to take the pressure off.  No school for a while.  Let him do the things that he enjoys.  No kids to wind him up at school.

I went to the Princeton Learning Cooperative today.  This is for teenagers who don't fit into main-stream schooling.  They are allowed, and helped, to pursue their interests and their passions at their own pace.  And, guess what, most do well, much better and much happier than when they were in school.  The guy there, Joel, was very helpful and understanding.  He supported 'de-schooling' Joey until September, which was very reassuring.

It will work out OK. 

Joey - leaving school.  Well, that incident on Monday has had serious ramifications.  I was called by the Director, Deb, yesterday morning with the news that, in short, the School had decided that Joey would not be able to participate in Honk or attend any of the field trips that he was going to participate in.

I have now learned more about what happened from Anne and believe that Joey was more sinned against that sinning in this particular incident.  But his track record has let him down.
Essentially what seemed to have happened is that Anne came upon the two boys backstage.  Michael had Joey in a head-lock and Anne told them to break it up.  When free, Joey swing at Michael.  He connected with his cheek but it was a very light touch.  Michael cried a bit but within a minute was OK,  Anne asked him if he was OK, wanted to see his Dad etc.  He was fine and shortly thereafter the two boys were playing again.  The teachers were busy with the play and everything seemed OK so Anne did not tell anybody and then had to leave in a hurry as she was already late for a funeral. 

It now seems that Michael told his parents that he had Joey in a headlock only because Joey was hitting him.  They kicked up a fuss and the school, we are told, were critical about the fact that Anne had left without informing anybody about this incident.  Hence the harsh reaction.

There is nothing that we can do about this now.  Anne will call Deb to explain what she saw happen and why she did not tell anybody.  From what we have heard, Michael is a conniving we shit who enjoys winding Joey up.  Joey, of course, struggles to react appropriately and, as mentioned, has a track record of impulsive behavior that means that Michael's version will be believed.
Very frustrating and Joey is very disappointed.  He was possibly the most talented kid in the play and was really looking forward to doing this.  It would have been great for his confidence.  A real pity.

Joey is pretty much out of school now, only going in for the play rehearsals - and even then we have been asked that one of us sit in as Joey can be disruptive.  I have some sympathy for him.  They have been rehearsing since September and are now on to 3hr long rehearsals.  That is a long, long time for an over-active 10 yr old to keep still and follow instructions.

But even that doesn't keep him out of trouble.  Anne went backstage to find Joey throwing a punch at Michael.  Fortunately, Anne had seen that Michael had been holding Joey in a head-lock and that Joey was just defending himself.  Seems that Michael had been messing about and Joey had asked him to stop.  Which is rather unusual.  Things escalated and Joey does not know how to back down.  But, as I told him afterwards, he has the right to defend himself if need be.  And, by all accounts, it was a sweet punch, connected with the kids face and made him cry!