Good visit to the shrink; he basically confirmed what I thought.  That in our efforts to avoid conflict with Joey when he was going through difficult periods, we blurred the boundaries too much.  Joey pushes at the boundaries and his behaviour gets worse.  A matter of re-tweeking things, making sure that everything is clear, including consequences for both good and bad behaviour.  And greater consistency.  Also encouragement and reassurance, of course.  Dr B really seems to like Joey and thinks him v smart.  Good to get my concerns to some extent met and have my instincts on this reassured.  Anne and I do have a difference of view on this but it is one of degree more than anything else, and Anne is right in saying that I have to better choose what to demand of Joey and how I do it.  We will get there.