Been to the gym a coupleof time for a week now, make sure I do a fair amount of walking and am pretty sensible with the food.  But weightb stays stubbornly at 210 lbs (15 stone).  Not a bad wweight for me but could do with being 10lbs lighter.  I was up to 16 1/2 stone at my heaviest, and down to less than 14 stone immediately after my attack of Denge on the ranch.  Just over 14 stones would be good.  Back to the gym.

I have no idea where the time goes.  None.  Up at 0630, in bed at about 2200 and am lucky if I get to read half the NY Times. 

Joey is making good progress but there are both good and bad days.  There are times when he gets a bit tearful about school - as in last night.  It is a lot for him, in terms of having to understand new rules and ways of doing things, and how much more is expected of him.  Mostly he gets on OK with the other kids but there are a couple of kids in his class who, whilst far from being bullies, are not overly nice to Joey.  But it is at least partially Joey's responsibility.  He wants to be liked, wants to play with all the kids but tries to insert himself too aggressively sometimes, gets frustrated when he doesn't understand what they are playing, and does not back down.  We are working on all of this but it will take a wee bit of time.

We are not, I repeat, not getting TV.  But we have discovered netflix where, for $7.99 pm, you can download a pretty wide variety of TV shows and films.  We have to connect the laptop up to the TV so it does take a bit of effort.  But doable if we really feel that there is something worth watching.  And there are no TV ads.

Anne had a bit of a late one last night.  A neighbour, Jane, held a sort of housewarming at her place.  We arrived at about 4pm and Anne left at about 11pm!  We tried out one of the local neighbours kids as a child-minder for the first time, which seemed to work well, and I went back to feed them and put them to bed.  I am delighted that Anne does this sort of thing and has made some friends.  Both because it is a good thing in of itself and because it helps when I come to asking for a pass!

Looked out the window yesterday morning to see 8 deer in the front garden.  There is a reason why you don't se many vegetable plots around here.

Another sign of Joey's transformation - his attitude towards his swimming lesson.  In the past, Joey has been reluctant to try anything, probably because he was afraid of failure or perhaps because following complicated instructions or staying focussed as too difficult.  But in swimming class, he listens carefully to the instructor, the large, forceful but friendly Colleen, does what she asks and really tries.  And largely succeeds, to the extent that Colleen said that he was a 'natural' swimmer.  It is great to se this, and the look on Joey's face when he succeeds in doing something.  

It must be in the genes.  At swimming lesson yesterday, as Anne was getting Izzy dressed and whilst she was semi-naked. Izzy started gyrating her naked backside ('bunda' in Portuguese) towards the young instructor, Eric, whilst signing 'Oh, yeah, oh yeah'.  Not sure where she gets this from - certainly not something that Anne does (unfortunately?!) - but it is a big part of Brazilian dance.  But at age 4, she should not really being doing it to good-looking swim instructors.  They's be coming to take her away!

Watched Izzy a couple of days ago as she zoomed along the pavement on her wee scooter, hair blowing in the wind, pink coat flapping without a care in the world as she went off by herself to see 'what the girls were doing' down the block.  This is why we moved here!

Bought myself a new toy yesterday - a Canon EOS 5D, used for US$1450.  Big step up.  Doesn't have the automatic scene options (sunset, portrait etc) as this is for 'real photographers'.  No flash either.  Have to take photos using the aperture change option and making own judgements about ISO, shutter speed etc.  Bit scary but quite exciting.

I know that I am repeating myself but what a pleasure to drive up the street and see the kids out playing in the street with neighbourhood kids.  Last night, our two were out from about 1530 (ie immediately after returning from school) to dinner time.  Brilliant.

Went up to NYC Wednesday for a Trinity College NYC Alumni social event.  Always gives me a buzz, arriving in Manhattan.  But not sure that I would want to live there any more.
Wasn't a great night but it made a nice change to chat to some Irish folk about things other than settling in and schools and the like.  And it ended up with 5 women and me, so I can't complain.  It is a bit of a hike, though, car to Princeton Junction then train to Penn Station.  Best part of 90 mins each way so won't be going in on a regular basis for a pint.

I should have made clear in my last post that the jigsaw that Joey was referring to was his life!

Joey walked into the bedroom this morning and told Anne that he had good news.  He was starting to put the jigsaw together and not getting everything wrong all the time.  He was making progress!

It isn great that Joey himself came out with this.  We do constantly talk to him, trying to get him to understand what he needs to do and it is good news that it is sinking in.  We are not there yet - he had another little tantrum yesterday.  Kids have these and Joey is not unique but he did it outside after he had been playing well with some nice local kids and it is not the sort of thing that attracts other kids to you.  A work in progress but he is getting it right more and more often and the fact that he is conscious of this and thunking about it reinforces my confidence that all will be OK.

We have got to know more of the neighbours.  There is William and Pia (German), parents of Stella who is one of Joey's friends now.  V friendly.  Then there are Glen and Dawn, who came over with Sarah, their 14yr old who is a baby-sitter.  The Juans at no 38 left us cupcakes but were not in when Anne went over to thank them.

The kids now have a small group here who they play with; Grace and Olivia from across the street, Nat from the yellow house on the corner, Stella and then a few others who appear occasionally.  The kids just call on each other to see who is available to play.  And our trampoline is a big draw!

I began photography lessons last week and am pleased with my teacher, Karen.  V nice lady and knows her stuff.  She has also known Bryce a long time - husband of Grace and our host at dinner last Friday. She first met him in 1973 at a boring, preppy pool party in Princeton.  Standing around with a cocktail wishing she was back in Primrose Hill (from whence she had come after a couple of years in London), she heard a loud noise and then saw a man coming around the corner on a large motorbike.  And no clothes on.  That was Bryce.

At 80, has has of course calmed down a bit.  But he still has a twinkle in his eye and was a good host.  They live in an 18th century farmhouse just outside of town.  Ten people were invited and the food was good and the wine flowed along with the conversation.  Some really interesting people and in particular we hit it off with Charlie and Lucia who have an organic beef farm here.  We were able to talk cattle and on Saturday went out to se them at the ranch.  A lovely afternoon.

The sad news regarding Shane aside, life gets better here in that Joey continues to make progress, in his reading, confidence and behaviour.  It really has been a good month.  He has also made a friend at school, Michael, who seems a nice kid.  Anne spoke ti his Mum at length.  Seems he had similar issues to Joey when he arrived at Cambridge School a year ago but that his life has been 'transformed' since he started at the school.  Couldn't praise it enough.  No counting chickens but..................

Heard today from Metchy that Shane passed away yesterday.  It is less than a year since he discovered that he had Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.  I attended Shane's 50th in Dublin in July - great craic despite being not long after he had been diagnosed, and I saw him for about an hour in Richmond in September. In July he was still walking, with help, but in September he was no longer able to do so.  We had a great old chat about the old days - I had shared rooms with Shane in College when we ran the rugby cub - and also about how important it was to ensure that your family and your dreams remained the most important things in your life.  So not unexpected news but still very sad.  He was a good bloke.

You have a to love a school where, when you send the email that we did to the maths teacher informing her of Joey's anxieties about being called on, you get this reply;

Good morning,
I am so sorry that Joey is still experiencing anxiety in math. I apologize for creating that situation in any way. All students are encouraged to participate in class, but no one is forced to do so. When I call on a student to work on the Smart Board, I never tell them to do the problem. I ask if they would like to do it. Many students, including Joey, enjoy the multi-sensory aspect of touching and seeing with the Smart Board. Of course, I do understand how this could foster anxiety, as I was a painfully shy child myself. From now on, I will make sure that Joey is comfortable before he is called upon. I will talk to him today about giving me a signal when he is confident enough in his answers to share them with the class. Hopefully, this will give him some ownership of his work and alleviate the scary aspect of class Again, I apologize for creating an environment that was in any way intimidating to Joey. Please let me know if there are any other changes that I could make to help him feel more comfortable and confident. 
Thanks,


Joey now has a secret signal which he will use when he is ready to answer in public.  He is all excited about that and I am confident that he will start to use it when ready.  

On a more positive note, Joey is making real progress with reading.  Last night he completed his reading with no problems and then volunteered to read another book.  Now, that is a transformation!

If you have something important that needs done, give it to a busy man,  All too trued.  I am not working but imply do not know where the day goes.  We have made reasonable progress in settling down and I am not pretending that my day is in any way that busy, but we seem to have slowed to a snail's pace in getting things done.  I do go to the gym most weekdays now, it is true.  And I pop out for walks and to do my photography homework.  But where does the rest of the day go?  School rounds, bloody shopping.  This and that.  Have to get better organised!

Joey has us all rather traumatised and upset today as well.  On the whole, his behaviour is great but there are times when he just loses it and cannot seem to control his angry reactions to what are often trivial events.

It is Valentines Day here (and on that subject I will only say that it really is an over-commercialised pain in the backside, with kids both bringing homes loads of crap) and we picked up Joey first before going on to Izzy's school where the kids were going to show off some work etc.  Joey, very sweetly, had brought a cup-cake and a flower on a long stem for Izzy.  Lovely and smiles all around until the stem broke.  When Joey saw this, he threw a wobbly in the school and ran out.  Rest of the day was spent repairing the damage.

The problem we face with Joey is that he so needs to build up his confidence and self0esteem but still gets too many things wrong.  Not drastically, generally, but it takes great patience top get Joey moving and focussed and to behave appropriately.  He is still immature and does not always read social signs very well.  Hard to know the exact reasons for all this - linked to his dyslexia, some residual anger, some ADDH tendencies.  But it is too easy to find yourself always on his back, chivvying him along, nagging him.  Then he breaks down and cries about how he feels he can never get anything right, feels under so much pressure and it breaks your heart.  Thing is, he is smart and loving and so close to being a typical 8yr old, a bit naughty at times. But he is not quite there and this is compounded - in a strange way - by his intelligence, energy and refusal to back down.  Minor issues then escalate into major ones.  Noone ever said that raising kids was easy.

A traumatic day for Cuddles the cat.  I took him to the vet this morning to get his balls cut off.  That was fairly straightforward for me but I would not pretend that it as a pleasure for him.

Anyway, back home and awake again, Izzy went down to play with in in the basement.  I heard Anne screaming for me to bring down scissors.  I rushed down to find Cuddles being strangled by a piece of plastic wire that Izzy had put on him to 'lead' him around.  Anne shouting, Izzy screaming as I attempted to cut the bloody thing whilst Cuddles sank his teeth into me.  Two good bits with his little, razor-sharp teeth.  I did manage to cut the damn thing but the poor cat was, of course traumatised.  Castrated and near strangled in the space of a couple of hours.
Poor Izzy was desperately upset and had to be consoled for an hour.  She really does take these things to heart and was asking forgiveness hours afterwards.

Just when I was talking about turning corners.......  Joey was upset when Anne put him to bed.  Say that there is too much pressure at school.  In particular, he is distressed about maths, about which he seems to have a phobia, and being asked to do work in front of the class or answer a question aloud.  He admits that he is not asked questions that he can't do but is still very anxious.  We have sent the following email to his teacher which should say it all;

We wanted to send you a quick e-mail regarding Joey. We are pleased with the way that the school is bringing Joey on and really impressed with the progress he has made in reading and math in such a short time.  And so pleased to receive the email below.

However, as Stephanie is aware, he is still feeling very anxious and insecure about school. He was very upset this evening saying that there was too much pressure on him. In particular, Joey has almost a phobia over math. He can do much more than he thinks and I don't know why he finds the thought of math so upsetting but he has been this way for about a year - even with the recent progress. He said that he is sometimes asked to do work at the front of the class, or called on for an answer.  Even though it seems that you've never asked him to do something he couldn't do, he still finds it very distressing. Joey has failed so much in the past that he assumes he will again. Even though he is being asked something that he can do, it seems that instead of building his confidence it is causing anxiety.  Instead of focusing on all the progress he has made he is worrying about being called on and being embarrassed in front of his peers. We know that you would never do this to him but his anxiety level is so high that he thinks it will happen. We were hoping that in the short term, until he has picked up more confidence, you could reduce the amount of times that Joey is asked to perform in front of the class.   

We  know that Joey needs to be encouraged and pushed, but wanted you to know that right now his emotions are as fragile as his academics.   We would be happy to come in and talk about it at a time that suits you or arrange a time for a telephone conversation. 

Went up to visit Grace and her husband Bryce.  Grace is the one I met over curry in the local deli.  Nice afternoon, feeding the horses and chatting with the lids being very well behaved.  They have a nice old farmhouse, with a barn that is regarded as unique here as it includes both English and Dutch design and has been in continual use as a barn for over 200 years.  Another barn nearby, belong to a farm bought by Bryce and now lived in by his son, has a very well preserved Dutch barn which, it seems, elicits sighs of almost orgasmic pleasure from barn afficiados who see it.

Bryce is a character - see http://www.princetoninfo.com/index.php?option=com_us1more&Itemid=6&key=Bryce%20Thompson%2008
for a fuller account of his life. He has been married 3 times, first to a Pam Am air-hostess turned model.  Remember the glamour?  The blue uniforms, the 'Come fly with me' ads?
Anyway, he made a lot of money investing in land, used to drive to Manhattan, get drunk and into fights (no cartilage left in his nose, he told me), still rides a motorbike, rode, played polo and hunted until recently, skied and played tennis for the USArmy in Germany, and has his second wife live in a neighbouring farm he bought.  His office in Princeton is in a house lived in by six generations of Thompsons, the maternal line of which came over from Antrim after the Famine, and the paternal line at about the same time from Scotland.
We are going there for dinner next Friday.  Should be interesting!

Jennifer, mother of the two girls that come over to play with our kids from across the street, came over yesterday and had a coffee.  Talks a lot, but friendly.  Husband is a carpenter, which is very handy, and she has lived all her life in Hopewell and knows just about everybody.
She is a teacher in the Middle School and one of the things that she said was rather surprising.  It seems that some kids moved into the states schools after a few years in the Cambridge School, and she commented that the school did not 'push kids hard enough'.  Therein lies a common lack of understanding as to what it is like to suffer from dyslexia.  Most of the kids who go to Cambridge School, like Joey, at the age of 8 or 9, having struggled in normal schools and suffering from all sorts of issues around self-esteem and confidence.  Not only does it take time to get them reading using specialised teaching, but they have to rebuild confidence, social skills etc etc.  This takes time.  And learning to read for a dyslexic is hard enough in itself. By the time they are 11-13, they should be ready to undertake more complex work and to be pushed and challenged.  A couple of years on and they are generally performing at the same level as other kids.  But transfer them too soon, and there can be problems.  It is sad that even a teacher underestimates the challenges faced by dyslexic kids.

It seems that we live on what used to be the 'wrong side of the tracks' in Hopewell, maybe 20 plus years ago.  This is where the blue collar workers were, whilst the professionals and academics lived on the other side of Broad Street.  It is more mixed now but properties are still more substantial 'over there'.  Also learned that Columbia Street, two streets up from us towards Broad Street, was the 'black street' in the old days.  Only a handful of houses were there and, again, it is more mixed now.  Good fun learning about our new wee town!

Hit my local on Friday as usual and ended up sitting between the pistol=packing young lady, Jacqueline, that I had met last week at the SuperBowl party and a very friendly, more mature black lady, Chloe (I think).  She lives just behind us and was, in particular, a knowledgeable and forthright defender of American Football, in response to my diplomatic attempts to persuade her that, whilst a good sport it might be, it suffered in comparison to rugby, for all the reasons that any reader of this blog is likely to know.  Still, a pleasant enough evening again, although I did not stay to the bitter end (last orders at midnight) but took a bottle of wine home to share with Anne.  Not sure that I will do that again - at $40 a bottle, even more expensive than the wine I used to get as a takeout at the Old Vic in Oxshott!

We hate to tempt fate but has Joey finally turned that elusive corner with his reading?  He has stepped up to a new level of reading books (still pretty simple and easy for most 8 yr olds) and Anne reports that he not only sits down to read them without fuss but can get through them with much less help than in the past.  No counting chickens or holding breath but maybe, just maybe, he has made a breakthrough.  He still has a lot of catching up to do but there is now light at the end of that tunnel.  Let's hope it is not an oncoming train.

Bloody lawyers and the American tendency to sue.  The trampoline has been one of the best things that we ever bought for the kids.  It has given the hours of fun and healthy exercise - and as I noted in an earlier post, has attracted some of the neighbourhood kids to play with ours.  But we will have to take it down.  Anne's Mum was worrying about it, and any liability that we might have should there be an accident.  We researched and she was right.  Even if we lock it, only let kids on when their parents agree and stand watching, should there be an accident we are buggered.  Should, God forbid, there be a serious accident and some kid breaks his neck of something, then we would possibly lose everything.  Can't afford that risk so down it will come.  Damn.

I need more patience.  The most difficult time of the day for my dealings with Joey are late at night and earl;y in the morning.  As is common with many dyslexics, Joey has other, related issues as regards focus, following simple orders or requests and getting things done.  Which means that getting ready for bed, when everybody is tired, and breakfast, when there is usually a certain urgency, can be difficult!  And Joey still has a tendency to over-react and what can start out as a simply misdemenour  ends up being a capital offence.  

Anne has a problem with her drinking - she is not drinking enough.  Despite my earlier comments about the liquor store and pub, we are actually rather well-behaved with hardly a sip of any poison passing our lips Sunday to Thursday.  Which meant that our tolerance has dropped, which Anne found out last night.  Just a few glass of wine and she felt it this morning.  Oh the price to pay for being virtuous.  I must ensure that I at least do some reasonable weekend training.

We had our school conference with Ms Hoffman today to discuss Joey's progress.  All very positive.  He now goes into a smaller, slightly younger class for pure reading and writing and is making progress - which we can see for ourselves when he does his homework.
In other classes, he is doing the same work as the other kids in his class, and in some areas is doing really well eg drama where he shows of his natural 'flair'!  Generally, his focus, ability to sit still and general behaviour is good.  He still has some negative tendencies - too impatient at times, tries to insist on doing things his way, over-sensitive.  But, on the whole, a very positive feedback.  Ms Hoffman does not take any crap from Joey, the boundaries are very clear and that really helps.
Also good news about the summer school.  The summer school is 4 weeks of morning school - at the time that Alexander is due to visit.  So that would have restricted travel plans but also we could imagine a very unhappy Joey feeling that he was being punished by being made to go to school whilst Alexander lived the high life.  But whilst Ms Hoffman stressed that Joey is still behind and could not afford to do nothing over the 10 weeks summer break, she said that she would be available to tutor Joey an hour a day over most of the summer.  That gives us more flexibility, will not seem so onerous for Joey and will probably be more effective.  He still ain't going to like it, though.

Gearing up for another battle with Anna.  I have been trying hard to find a way to accommodate some of her needs, at least, but it hasn't worked out so far.  I will get no credit for trying but a lot of abuse for not acceding to her demands.  I should be used to it by now.  Had some neat email correspondence with Alexander, which is great.

Anne is out to dinner tonight, and has had coffee dates with various people over the last few days, which is great.  Good to see her making friends, which she never really did in Oxshott for various reasons.  And it allows me to go out with a clearer conscience!

Began my photography lessons yesterday with Karen, a very pleasant and knowledgeable local photographer.  Looking forward to improving my technical knowledge.  She said that my composition was already excellent!

Some of the kids are scarily well-manners around here.  Was out front messing with my two when a teenager walked up the road with 3 dogs on leashes.  Saw us and stopped ' Excuse me, sir, would your children like to meet the dogs'.  He introduced himself, told us where he lived, chatted with the kids while they petted the two old Labs and a beagle, then wish us a nice day.  There is hope.

Give me trying to break through a roadblock in Burundi, calming down some angry locals in Kinshasa or dealing with a pissed-off Minister in London rather than starting the day with two grumpy kids.  Really does exhaust you.  In the old days, you would probably give them a clip around the ears but that is no longer allowed.
They normally are fine but there are times............

Joey is better on the whole but he still has his moments - particularly when we move away from schedules.  I picked up kids today and let them play outside as it was a lovely day, instead of Joey doing home work first, or before 1630 at least.  Result was that it took an hour of fighting to get him to do it, with tears and Anne losing it a bit as well.  We must do better but it is also v difficult to get balance between being positive and boosting Joey, avoiding continual nagging and discipline, and maintaing clear boundaries and discipline.  We are making progress but it is slow.

Watched Ireland v wales in the Poitin Still, Hackensack, yesterday morning.  Good match, disappointing result.

watched second half of the Superbowl last night in my local.  Good craic,  Got talking to Jacqueline at end.  Nice, 23 yr old med student who 'carries' when living in Pennsylvania, where the carrying of a concealed weapon is allowed.  Puts here .22 in pocket when going to grocery store.  And seems such a nice girl.

The famous Charles Limbergh baby kidnapping took place very near here, back in 1932.  Kidnapped from his cot, the body of the 18mth old was found nearby 2 months later with a smashed skull.  Bruno Richard Hautman was found guilty of the kidnapping and executed.  A huge story, worldwide, at the time, our new friend Grace lives on Limbergh Road, very close to where it all happened.  A lot of history in this wee place.

My date with Grace on Wednesday went well, with Anne in attendance.  We looked surprised when Grace mentioned that her husband had turned 80, as we thought her to be in her early 40s or so.  Turns out she is 60.  Long time since I have met a 60yr old looking that good.  Anyway, really nice, vivacious and helpful.  Husband owns 'quite a bit of land'.  He was dyslexic and flunked school and had quite a youth before doing well for himself.  They now own a farm/forest up in the Sourlands hills just north of here.  Some 60n acres around the house and another 400 or so acres of forest, which they are paid to manage.  It is an important migration stop for birds flying from Novia Scotia south.  We looked up google map out of curiosity and it looks like they have their own air-strp!  They are arranging a dinner party for us with some friends in the next week or so.  We are very much looking forward to that, as you can imagine!

Joey off sick today, after developing an earache, but nought too serious.  Both kids in good form today, as are we.  Had to do a bit of shopping, which included buying Joey the DVD of his latest passion - Real Steel.  Movie about robot boxers.  When he saw it near the check out, and I agreed to buy it, half the shop heard his cries of joy.  And it was a very big store.  He really does enjoy his drama, does Joey, for good and bad.

I popped out to get a takeway from the local Italian - a bit disappointing, has to be said, and a bottle of wine on my tab.  In my absence, Joey came down as he thought that he might have a splinter in his foot.  He also said to Anne;
'Oh, and Izzy is wandering around upstairs like a hippy-freak'
'Hippy-freak?  What do you mean?'
'Well, she's wearing her purple pyjama bottoms, red velvet dress and dressing gown with spots.  And a hat'.
Yep, I guess hippy-freak is as good a description as any.

Good day altogether for Joey.  In addition to the maths success noted below, we were able to go to the playground after school and he and Izzy had an hour running around before home, then doing most of his homework before the three wee girls came around again and asked to play with him.  So off they, and Izzy, went on the trampoline for half an hour.  Should sleep well tonight.

But he was upset at the end of school as he had learned that some developers were going to take over the 'Secret Forest' where the kids go for nature studies etc and build a YMCA there.  Really upset him, the loss of the forest, the displaced animals, the environmental damage etc.  Pity that he was upset but great that he feels that strongly.

And we have to have a word with about kissing.  We have laughed in the past about his success with the girls but it has encouraged him to try and kiss all the girls, which I don't mind, but also the boys.  He doesn't mean it but it meant that some of the other boys were taking the mickey out of him in the playground.  Joey's social skills are sometimes a bit lacking, quite common in dyslexic kids, but it would be a real pity if he was to be picked on because of this.  Words will be had.

Progress is being made - see below for email rom Joey's maths teacher.  But gave Anne rather a worrying feeling when she read the first few sentences!

I am Joey's math and computer teacher. We have the same behavior plan in both my classes: strike 1=a verbal warning is issued, strike 2=post it note on your desk (as a reminder that your behavior needs to adjust), strike 3=a visit to Mr. Maher's office to discuss how to behave in class. Strikes can be for talking out of turn, being disrepectful, or not participating. Since Joey arrived, he has received up to 1 post it in every class. However, he received his first PERFECT day in math class today! When I told him that he made a 100% for the day, he was so excited and asked that I share the information with you.

Today, Joey was able to sit still, focus, and participate more than ever. He was a model student in class today, and I hope that his receiving 100% for the day will encourage that behave more often. In addition, Joey completed his homework last night and in-class warm up exercise with 100% accuracy. The improvements are amazing.

Ms. Hoffmann pulls Joey from half a class one day a week to reinforce the concepts we are learning. I think that has made a huge difference in his confidence, which has inspired this wonderful step forward! I am looking forward to seeing Joey continue to make steps on the road to success academically!