Just realized that I have not updated where we are as regards Izzy's adoption.  The lawyer has confirmed that Baixinho did not submit any appeal within the deadline.  So it is, indeed, looking good.  But no champagne yet.  She is seeking a document from the court which clearly states that this is over, and also confirmation that we are not on any list anywhere that might interfere with travelling in and out of Brazil.  But, let's be honest, it is looking good!

Annie allowed Joey a bit of bread and some chips on their visit to Philly.  A mistake.  Bit of a delayed reaction but he has been very volatile the last couple of days.  It is very draining.

Joey's intro into home-schooling

It is, sadly, not working out at the School.  His dyslexia is severe and, although, he has made great progress in reading and writing, he is still trailing.  He also has these social issues and an inability to fully control his responses which has meant that, although he seems OK with other kids, few of them want to do what Joey wants to do, he is having incidents on a regular basis at breaks and he thinks that he has no friends.

He desperately wants to get things right but knows that he is not and that makes him deeply unhappy at times.  Part of the problem is that we are focusing so much on the things that he is not good at - reading, writing and maths - and behaviour and far less on the things that he has a talent for.  The result is that we are constantly on top of him.

anne thinks that he may have sensory sensitivities. See earlier blog.  This makes everyday 'things' stressful, on top of being nagged by us.  Just too much for a 10 year old.  So let's focus on the things that Joey is good at, or shows a passion for.

Anne took him to Philadelphia last night, went to a Rodin museum, had dinner, went swimming and are attending an art museum this morning before going to our Brazilian restaurant.  Anne reported that he has in great form, enthusiastic, affectionate, not argumentative etc etc.  This is what we need to do with Joey.

Izzy's first sleepover

Izzy had her first sleepover last night, with her wee friend, Meaghan.  Here is the report from Meaghan's Mum;

They were up late last night (in the bedroom but it took a while for them to calm down...like 3 hours) LoL   We checked every hour and they Finally fell asleep at midnight exhausted. haha

They will be sleeping in today!

I plan on taking them to the gym at 12:00pm. I can drop Isabela off around 3:00pm.

They had a blast last night at a park I call Sunset Park.  They are scheduled to watch a movie this morning and then maybe to a library, lunch and then to the gym.

It will definitely be memories of a lifetime.  I send you some cute pics.

Still no news.

Two days after the deadline for the appeal against Izzy's adoption and nothing on the website.  So looks good.  BUT lawyer has not yet come back to us to confirm so we avert nervous.  Anne is stressed. Watch this space.

Today was the deadline for Baixinho to appeal.  Nothing on the court website which, obviously, is good news.  But did he submit and it has simply not been put up?  The public defender did gate the case papers out on 10 April.  What does that mean?  Tense.

I took Joey to his first University lecture today - Diet, food production and the environment.  V interesting and he enjoyed it.  Also showed the Bill McKibben movie, 'Do the math'.  He does get this stuff.  But, apart from that, not a great day for him.  we are struggling to know what to do.

Izzy had her first swimming lesson - and did very well.

Feeling better today.  Partly because I did not go to the pub last night and partly because I had  along chat with Anne last night.  She has ben researching something which would seem to apply to Joey; Sensory processing disorder.  See Wikipedia description below.  Still challenging but, if this is what Joey has, at least we will know and be able to tackle it.  We have arranged for Joey to be seen by an occupational therapist with experience in this field - he saw her last Friday - so hopefully will have some confirmation on this, and some ideas on how to address it.

Sensory processing disorder or SPD is a hypothesized neurological disorder. While SPD is not yet recognized in standard medical manuals such as the ICD-10^[1] or the DSM-IV-TR,^[2] the term sees use by some practitioners and patients to refer to a range of difficulties with taking in, processing, and responding to sensory information about the environment and from within one's own body (visual, auditory, tactile, olfaction, gustatory, vestibular, and proprioception).

For those identified as having SPD, sensory information may be sensed and perceived in a way that is different from most other people. Unlike blindness or deafness, sensory information can be received by people with SPD, the difference is that information is often registered, interpreted and processed differently by the brain. The result can be unusual ways of responding or behaving, finding things harder to do. Difficulties may typically present as difficulties planning and organizing, problems with doing the activities of everyday life (self care, work and leisure activities), and for some with extreme sensitivity, sensory input may result in extreme avoidance of activities, agitation, distress, fear or confusion.^[3]

The term SPD is now often used (though not without controversy) instead of the earlier term sensory integration dysfunction which was originally used by occupational therapist A. Jean Ayres as part of her theory that deficits in the processing and interpretation of sensation from the body and the environment could lead to sensorimotor and learning problems in children. The theory is widely acknowledged, but also has generated tremendous controversy.

Some state that sensory processing disorder is a distinct diagnosis, while others argue that differences in sensory responsiveness are features of other diagnoses.^[4] The American Academy of Pediatrics, for example, advises against a diagnosis of SPD unless it is a symptom due to autism spectrum disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, developmental coordination disorder, or childhood anxiety disorder.^[5] The American Psychiatric Association also recently rejected SPD as a diagnosis to be included in the recently updated DSM-5, and requested additional studies be done before the disorder can be recognized.^[4] On the other hand, SPD is in Stanley Greenspan’s Diagnostic Manual for Infancy and Early Childhood and as Regulation Disorders of Sensory Processing part of the The Zero to Three’s Diagnostic Classification.^[6]

There is no known cure; however, several therapies have been developed to treat SPD.^[7] Because the amount of research regarding the effectiveness of SPD therapy is limited and inconclusive, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises pediatricians to inform families about these limitations, talk with families about a trial period for SPD therapy, and teach families how to evaluate therapy effectiveness.^[5]

Rough day with Joey.  Started well and Anne took the kids to the Princeton Art Museum, which they enjoyed.  We had scoped out a restaurant which we judged would have enough of the food that Joey can eat.  But it was closed so we ended up at another one.  before we could stop her, the waitress plonked bread down on the table and Izzy grabbed a slice and started eating it.  Joey, already slightly edgy because he was hungry, had a fit and would not back down - we had agreed that we all, as a family, would share his diet.  But we had hoped that, over time, he would accept that Izzy, at least, could have the odd treat.  In general, in any case, we think that his diet is a healthy one.  But he was not in the mood for compromise and I was not in the mood to give sympathy to his complaints.  Ruined the day and I feel lousy that I cannot do better, that we cannot find a way to help the kid better but also that Joey cannot himself do better.
Anne and I are in agreement on most things but - and I am not sure how to put this - think that we should expect more of Joey and that he can do better, show more empathy towards Izzy and be prepared to listen more.  But who knows who is right.

We have always been against using drugs for Joey but I am starting to feel that it might be the lesser of two evils.  We are simply not continuing the progress that we had hoped for and I worry where we are going.  If we cannot get Joey more stable, and happier, then what will happen when he hits his teens?

And, of course, I had forgotten to mention that Joey has dyslexia, some ort of ADHD and intolerances to some foods.  Quite a few foods.  So, not surprising that he finds life challenging at times.  Poor kid - does really well all things considered. 

We have some odd new friends.  Anne was invited to the following;
Hi. I wanted to touch base about tonight.

For me, I am up to a relaxing sharing, rather than a very intense study.

Here is what I am planning:

After a very brief centering meditation, I will read Steiner's verse for this week.  I will also print out a copy of what is going on in the cosmos this week, and then we can discuss the two. 

We can look at Steiner's first curative lecture, but I don't see us spending the bulk of our time with this.  I would like more joy and nourishment.

 

I would also be happy to share a song and maybe we even move along with it if this seems right.  

 

If anyone has a poem or song that inspires them that they would like to share, please bring it along.

 

At the close of the evening I will read one of Steiner's evening verses.

 

By the way, for the Steiner meditations, verses, I am using a book titled, "Start Now!  a book of soul and spiritual exercises" by Rudolf Steiner and edited by Christopher Bamford.  Perhaps everyone can get a copy, and we can use it as we go forward.

 

I will make an herbal tea and if I have time a little bitty nut/coconut dessert.

 

Anne declined.  Bit odd,  And no wine.

We are going through some difficult time with Joey.  Despite all the progress that he has made, he still struggles in some ways.  The main problem is that there is a combination of the following;
- he is a bit immature
- he still does not read social cues correctly and can over-react
- will stand his ground and not back down or melt into the background
- he is incredibly energetic and never stops moving and finds it hard to keep still
-  he talks a lot
- he loves being with other kids and wants, wants so badly just to be accepted
- he is smart - enough to know that he has a problem
- he is smart in the sense that he is very sharp, good with words and his imagination means that he comes out with stuff that other kids can find weird - or he picks up on mistakes on what they say

The combination is a challenging one, and means that he is less and less sociably accepted at school.  Not completely ignored or disdained but just not really welcome in any of the groups.  Same with Chris and Jack here in the 'hood.  Anne sent the following email to his teacher this morning;

Joey had a really bad night yesterday. He was crying that the other kids all think he's annoying. That he doesn't want to be annoying and that he tries really hard to fit in. Sadly, I think it's probably all true. We're not really sure what to do at this point. We were prepared to let him stay at home today but he woke up in a pretty good mood and seemed to be putting a brave face on so we have sent him in. I am very worried about him and even though we'd love to see him at least get through the play, I don't want his self esteem to be completely destroyed if the social situation has deteriorated like he says.

If he seems to be struggling today let me know and I will come get him.

As Joey left the house for school this morning, Anne was in tears.  After a very hard day yesterday (which involved misbehavior on his part) he put on a very brave face this morning, shouting out of the car window that he loved Anne and Izzy and would be OK.  He did the same with me when I walked him part way to the school building from the car.  Lots of hugs, as if he was going into battle.

He started well today but something happened and he misbehaved or got into some sort of trouble again.  Nothing serious but it is simply hard work for his teachers (Ms H is a goddess) and annoying for the other kids.  My virtuous circle has been transformed into a vicious circle.

Hard to know what to do now.  We think now that Joey might have sensory disorder.  Too hard to explain now but it seems to fit him.  Main question now is do we encourage Joey to face up and finish the year or do we think that a 10 year old should be happy and do what needs to be done to ensure that?  Watch this space.

Very busy trying to get energy business going.  Hard work and I do not feel that I am a natural salesman, despite some people saying the opposite.  Quite a few people have said that they will sign up with NAP but never seem to get around to it!

But we have some important meetings with some big charities and they could be the break through that we are looking for.  I am working closely with Kathleen, who is a godsend.  V smart, committed and connected.

Also not sleeping great - waking up too bloody early.

Joey had a poor week last week, not focused at school and behaving immaturely at home.  Still better than he was before the diet but not good enough.  We are thinking of homeschooling, which will be a huge challenge.

Just back from 24hrs on Mohonk Mountain with my lovely wife and no kids to celebrate our 10th anniversary. Bliss. Lots of hiking, some wine and much needed intimate moments.  I am a lucky man.

Tenth wedding anniversary yesterday.  Where did it all go?  I am a lucky man.

Joey and school - had a chat with his teacher Ms H yesterday.  After some great days, Joey started off in a bad mood yesterday and never really recovered.  Not awful, but unable (or unwilling) to focus properly and therefore to make any progress.  Hard work for all around.  I was worried about this.  He had been great in the mornings until yesterday; bright, happy, chatty, responsive, funny, polite etc.  Yesterday started OK but then, out of nowhere, came a sullenness and then a 'huh, this is going to be the worst day of my life' approach.  Pretty much silence in the car and, of course, we were late to get going and then hit traffic (don't want to exaggerate here; not much but there is one crossroads that can back up and delay you an extra 5 minutes!) which meant that we arrived at the school in time for work to start.  We normally get him there 10n minutes early so that he can have some time drawing, chatting and preparing.  Being plunged straight into work never really works out for Joey.

Ah well, another day, another challenge.

Isabela's adoption; just received an email yesterday from the lawyer.  The Ministerio Publico was officially informed on 10 April which means that the public defender now has 10 days to submit any appeal.  That will end on 20 April but, as that is a Saturday, the deadline will effectively be 22 April.

Anne, being the pessimist that she is, is convinced that Baixinho will appeal.  I think that he will not. Won't be long before we find out who is right.  Either way, our lawyer thinks that it could all be over in a month.  Could be.  No counting chickens yet.

Izzy has settled into her new school now.  It took a few days - it seems that  the kids weren't quite as welcome as we would have liked and Izzy was feeling rejected.  And she is somebody who makes friends very easily.  But we seem to have gone past that stage now and she was very happy yesterday.  Anne has now met some of the other mums - spent most of yesterday morning with them in Boro Bean! - and has lined up some playdates over the next week, when Izzy is off school.  That will hopefully cement friendships with some of the other kids.

Kids still in good form.  Helped by the sunny weather - in the eighties at the moment.  We had a first today - on the way back from school, instead of heading straight to the playground, Joey asked Anne if they could go swimming in the creek I had taken the boys to before.  Before Anne could say anything, Joey finished off by saying 'if Izzy doesn't mind, of course'.

First time.

Both seemed to have had good days - and Izzy has made a wee friend, which is all she really needed to get going.  Joey had a bit of a slow start to the day at school, but then had a good day.

Kids were great at home - helped by it being over 70 degrees and then playing outside in trunks and with the hose!

But not quite there yet.  Joey was generally in great form all weekend but then at bedtime started on about how unhappy he was at school and how he has no friends.  And how us praising him for behaving well was embarrassing because this was only what other kids did anyway so he shouldn't be praised for it.  He was the same this morning.  V frustrating.  It is almost as if he doesn't want to be happy, or perhaps is afraid of it, of then being disappointed.  So he looks for reasons not to be happy, including being praised for making progress!

Izzy as well was complaining about her new school.  She ha an unfortunate start there but I am confident that it can be turned around quickly, once she is accepted by the other kids.  But, more broadly, she has become much more clinging and shy recently.  Not sure why, but my own view is that it is likely to be because of the issues with Joey, which she is witness to.

Nobody ever said it would be easy.

A good weekend for all.  Anne and I went to a charity ball.  A bit sedate and a lot to pay for a sedate evening but pleasant enough and it was good to get out and meet some people.  I wore my kilt which was a hit.  Always attracts attention and a good conversation starter. 

Spring has arrived, finally, and it has been lovely to get out more.  We have taken the kids to the local playground the last 3-4 days and there has almost always been other kids for both of them to play with.  Astonishing, though, how many kids there are with some sort of learning issue, or something on the autism spectrum. 

The new house we hope to buy has been appraised and at roughly the price we are paying, so that is looking good.  We are still hopeful that the long-drawn out saga with Izzy's adoption will come to an end  shortly and have allowed ourselves to start dreaming of what we might do over the summer.  Fingers crossed.  The future of the Bioeconomy Institute is not looking great - the interested companies are simply not committing themselves to supporting with cash.  But I am putting in some good groundwork with the North American Power project, 

So, all is well in the Juleff household in Hopewell.

Email in from lawyer in Rio. Latest decision was published today, finally.  Baixinho's public defender should be notified within 10 days and they then have 10 days to appeal.  The court is not now looking at the merits of his case, more at the procedural aspects.  Our lawyer is confident that, even if they appeal, it will be considered and dismissed very quickly.  We are very close to the end of the process. 

Can we really be in that position now?  After 4 years?  Back to the ranch this summer?  We are starting to believe that it might be so.

A great day for Joey, according to Mrs H.

Anne had an interesting chat with Joey last night.  She was praising the fact that he is doing so much more by himself, and reacting maturely to setbacks which would have invoked an over-reaction a short time ago,

But he is unhappy because he knows that we should not need to praise what for other kids is usually established behavior.  He is embarrassed by it.  The reality is that Joey still is a bit immature and still struggles with certain scenarios, but he is intelligent enough, and mature enough now, to recognize it.  Which is a great sign.  Still a work in progress, but Joey is getting there.  He is, at heart, a great kid and if he can match his intelligence and talent with maturity and better social awareness and control, he will be fine.  More than fine.

Not such a good day for Izzy, sadly.  She had expressed a little bit of unhappiness yesterday after school at the fact that the other kids in her new school had not been very friendly.  Today she was even more upset and when Anne went to pick her up, she was playing all by herself, whilst all the other kids were running around in groups.  Now, if you know Izzy, you will know that she is a very sociable and likeable kid, one who makes friends very easily, given a chance. 

So we are very disappointed that the school and teacher have seemingly not made the effort to ensure that the other kids make her welcome and include her.  We shall speak to them.  We do not want to be helicopter parents or make a fuss not needed, but this is not really acceptable.

Joey went off to school happily enough.  Helped by having bacon and eggs on toast this morning.  We are slowly introducing eggs back into his diet and see how that goes.  The bread is made of almond flour and eggs, another great result by Anne.  The bacon is pure pork, with no additives.  Very tasty.

Joey's first date today, with Catherine, at her place.  Went very well.  He put on his best clothes and she dragged him up to her bedroom.  They kissed.  when I asked if she liked it, he looked at me in surprise and said 'What do you think?!"
Back at school tomorrow.  Fingers crosesd.