Much better couple of days with Joey, a joy to be with most of the time.  Working out well with Remy, our new day-time child minder, and played nicely with Chris and Jack.  let's hope it lasts.

Another rough day with Joey.  We went up to Ridgewood.  Rob and crew were there and it was also Anne's Uncvle Dick's b'day - he lost his wife a couple of weeks ago.  Anne and I both spoke to him about how difficult the afternoon might be and how important it was, particularly for Anne, that bpth the kids be very well behaved.

In some ways Joey did try very hard - a bit too hard in some way, slightly hyper.  But in other ways, it was not a good afternoon.  we know that Joey is over-active and finds it hard to do nothing, but, despite what Anne told him, he kept coming up and telling us he was 'bored' and then demanding more food that he could not eat, and complaining that Danny did not want to do anything etc etc.  Anne was very upset.

Two very rough evenings with Joey, which ended in him calling Anne and ugly witch (although I thought that the second word was an even nastier one).  All starts with either dinner and a 'This is all disgusting' approach from Joey, or bloody Minecraft and not getting what he wants from it.  Coincidently, we allowed Joey to have, as an experiment, chips two days ago, chips in batter.  If Joey is better in the next day or so, we will know how bad an impact 'illegal' food has on him.  V upsetting for all of us, 

We close on our new house tomorrow and are both rather underwhelmed by the prospect.  Not sure why, perhaps just the general uncertainty in our lives, perhaps also the fact that we do really like living in the Boro, and the kids have all the neighbouring kids to play with.  Oh, well, we shall see what happens when we actually move.

We are still alive but I struggle to find the time or the energy to write much.  We are closing on the house next Wednesday, my little windpower business is keeping me busy - have not actually earned much yet but am now up to about 14 people enrolled, of whom 4  or 5 have the potential to do well.  What I  really need is  for a few not for profits to sign up, then I will be on a roll.

And, of course, the kids take up lots of energy, especially joey being at home all day.  We have decided to hire somebody to help out, basically being a companion to joey so that he is kept busy, and allow us to get on with everything else.  We were recommended a young man called Remy and Anne and Joey met him.  Seems to be what we need so he starts Monday.  Hopefully, that will work out well.

Joey had a very good Monday and Tuesday morning but not such a good Tuesday afternoon.  The problem is that - because of insecurity, we think - he tries to dominate the conversation, the play or other kids.  And then gets upset and over-reacts when things don't go his way.  This happened yesterday when he was playing with the neighbours kid.  It was getting a bit edgy and L's Mum called him in.  I asked Joey to come home and he stood there and simply refused.  So what was a minor episode became a major one. 

The other problems is that Joey struggles to listen and accept what Anne and I tell him about this, that this is why some kids don't want to play with him anymore and why he risks having Alex and Maury getting tired of his behavior as well.  He has to change.

On the positive side, he is listening more than he was and most of the time he is fine.  Chris and Jack came around later and the kids had a great time playing outside.  They love playing with Joey because he is so full of energy and ideas.  If he could just be more secure and hill, he would be fine.

I am wasting away!  Down to below 190lbs ie 13 stone and 8lbs.  Haven't been this light, I think since school.  Apart, perhaps, when I had Denge in Brazil. 

The lawyer in Rio has told us that the case is over.  Great news but the bureaucratic stuff might take a few months yet to get out of the way.  We hope that she has been cautious and she has said that she will do everything possible to get it finished.  A good egg, is Debora.  So no short trip in May/June but looking positive for July/August.

One step forward, two steps back, or so it seems with Joey.  Not sure how to describe what is happening except to say that he has an almighty chip on his shoulder.  Not only does he still over-react, and in a nasty way sometimes, but he then blames the counter-reaction on everybody else.  We are all 'mean' to him.  He complains about everything, it seems, and never sees the positive.  And then complains that he doesn't have any friends.  The sad bit is that, most of the time, he is a great wee kid, and a wonderful playmate.  But he does not get it that other kids will not put up with his over-reactions and moaning.  Woe is me!  My life is awful!  You are all mean to me!

It does drive us nuts at times and Anne had a very difficult day yesterday. She gets the worst of it.  And, unlike me, she never gets to get away.

I had a chat with Joey in the car this afternoon about how important it was to be extra-nice to Mummy as she was tired and it was Mother's Day.  We picked up Anne from Lorna's, where she had had a very pleasant Mother's Day lunch, and were all driving home.  Joey asked what was for dinner and Anne told him bouillabaisse.  "Ugh, that's horrible!  Disgusting!'.  And it went down hill with Anne and I then at fault for being mean to him.

We are struggling to know how to get this negativity out of him.  people used to say that our home was a really happy one.  Not at the moment.  And we worry about the effect on Izzy.

We have also told Joey that, if this continues, then he risks Alex and Maury distancing themselves from him. 

Joey is a lot happier now, less stressed and worries, less impulsive and angry, more affectionate and just like the real Joey.  Good progress so far.
And he is using his time usefully.  He would, of course, prefer to spend the day watching TV and playing Minecraft, or so he says, but he has stopped asking for it and instead is happy being ;busy; at drawing and playing.  His drawing is coming along very nicely, he has some real talent there, especially in drawing the expressions on the faces of people or animals.

Anne spoke to Deb and explained what she witnessed.  It made no difference - and we wouldn't want him to return there anyway.  The environment is too toxic for Joey.  Some of the kids know that they can wind Joey up and get away with it because attention will be focused on Joey's reaction.

So be it.  We know that Joey has his issues but we also know what a great kid he is.  he has;
dyslexia
dyspraxia
sensory processing disorder (probably)
ADHD in some form
insecurity issues from his first year.

We now are starting to think that this latter is perhaps more important than we thought.  Essentially he was very neglected and mal-nourished, his basic needs were not taken care of.

Given all this, he does remarkably well,  And we will help to do better.  First thing is to take the pressure off.  No school for a while.  Let him do the things that he enjoys.  No kids to wind him up at school.

I went to the Princeton Learning Cooperative today.  This is for teenagers who don't fit into main-stream schooling.  They are allowed, and helped, to pursue their interests and their passions at their own pace.  And, guess what, most do well, much better and much happier than when they were in school.  The guy there, Joel, was very helpful and understanding.  He supported 'de-schooling' Joey until September, which was very reassuring.

It will work out OK. 

Joey - leaving school.  Well, that incident on Monday has had serious ramifications.  I was called by the Director, Deb, yesterday morning with the news that, in short, the School had decided that Joey would not be able to participate in Honk or attend any of the field trips that he was going to participate in.

I have now learned more about what happened from Anne and believe that Joey was more sinned against that sinning in this particular incident.  But his track record has let him down.
Essentially what seemed to have happened is that Anne came upon the two boys backstage.  Michael had Joey in a head-lock and Anne told them to break it up.  When free, Joey swing at Michael.  He connected with his cheek but it was a very light touch.  Michael cried a bit but within a minute was OK,  Anne asked him if he was OK, wanted to see his Dad etc.  He was fine and shortly thereafter the two boys were playing again.  The teachers were busy with the play and everything seemed OK so Anne did not tell anybody and then had to leave in a hurry as she was already late for a funeral. 

It now seems that Michael told his parents that he had Joey in a headlock only because Joey was hitting him.  They kicked up a fuss and the school, we are told, were critical about the fact that Anne had left without informing anybody about this incident.  Hence the harsh reaction.

There is nothing that we can do about this now.  Anne will call Deb to explain what she saw happen and why she did not tell anybody.  From what we have heard, Michael is a conniving we shit who enjoys winding Joey up.  Joey, of course, struggles to react appropriately and, as mentioned, has a track record of impulsive behavior that means that Michael's version will be believed.
Very frustrating and Joey is very disappointed.  He was possibly the most talented kid in the play and was really looking forward to doing this.  It would have been great for his confidence.  A real pity.

Joey is pretty much out of school now, only going in for the play rehearsals - and even then we have been asked that one of us sit in as Joey can be disruptive.  I have some sympathy for him.  They have been rehearsing since September and are now on to 3hr long rehearsals.  That is a long, long time for an over-active 10 yr old to keep still and follow instructions.

But even that doesn't keep him out of trouble.  Anne went backstage to find Joey throwing a punch at Michael.  Fortunately, Anne had seen that Michael had been holding Joey in a head-lock and that Joey was just defending himself.  Seems that Michael had been messing about and Joey had asked him to stop.  Which is rather unusual.  Things escalated and Joey does not know how to back down.  But, as I told him afterwards, he has the right to defend himself if need be.  And, by all accounts, it was a sweet punch, connected with the kids face and made him cry!

So I p[assed 53 years of age on Friday.  Nothing much to write home about.  Hard to believe that I will be 60 in 7 years time, and I don't even feel middle aged.

Still no news from the lawyer, which is very frustrating.  We had hoped to take the kids there for a few weeks before we have my other son over, Alex, but that looks unlikely now.  And we can't tell the kids until we are certain.  We are all dying to get out there.

Still no confirmation from the court on Isabela's case.  There was some movement in the Rio court a few days which we believe was just an advice from the Supreme Court that the case was finished.  But we cannot confirm that.  Very frustrating.

30 people looked at the blog a few days ago!  Who are you?  Please let me know!

So we have decided to buy some more land in Brazil - a small granja near to the farm, about 16 hectares with plenty of water.  Not sure it makes sense from a farming, economic perspective.  But outr bet is that, with Joao Pessoa growing, it will significantly increase in value in the long term.

Joey was much better today, which indicates that the food does have an impact.  Only problem is that Anne allowed to cheat on two foods - bread and chips.  So we don't know which one caused the reaction.  Next time, he will only be allowed to cheat on one!

They are doing test at school so Joey was off today, 'home schooling'.  I took him to plant trees as part of my volunteer work with the D & R.  He enjoyed that, mainly because they were some good bugs, and then we found some deer bones.  In the afternoon, we all went up to a lovely spot in Pennsylvania - Bowman  Hill Wildflower preserve.  Kids had  a great time and actually spent an hour painting before messing about in the river.