And we remain alive but busy.  Alex has been here for the last 3 weeks and leaves for Europe this evening.  Work still going on in house so chaos reigns.  Kids are in good form.  Heat is a pain - in the 90's. I promise to get back to writing proper posts soonish

STILL ALIVE

No Samuel Pepys am I.  But we are alive albeit very busy.  Alex is having a great visit, Joey is generally good but occasionally a nightmare - especially when he has mouth ulcers at Anne's parents 60th anniversary celebrations at Mohonk and Izzy is doing fine.  Looking a bit better for returning to Brazil.   House still a bit of a mess but getting there.  Business starting to catch on - helped by the fact that I understand it better now.  So all well and will try to do better with my blog.

This is probably the longest that I have gone without posting something since not sure when!  Just back from a week in the UK and Ireland for college 30th anniversary of graduation from Trinity College, Dublin.  A night with my Dad first, then 2 nights in Dublin and then 2 nights in Belfast seeing friends and family.  Back home today and we move house tomorrow, so no time to chat.

Anne took Joey back to Dr W yesterday.  2 hr session.  On the way back, Joey was leaning out the window shouting 'I love the world'.  he was in great form all day and last night, as Anne was putting him to bed, he told her how happy he was and how much he loved his bed, his family, his life etc.

Wow!

Anne took Joey to see a visiting doctor recommended by his old teacher.  A bit hippy dippy, all about lines of energy and feeling the love, allied to a massages designed to relax the muscles, which allow a freer flow of blood to the brain thus solving all the world's problems.  Or at least helping Joey.  Not sure but we are willing to give it a lash.  Can't do any harm.

I also went for a talk at the Princeton Learning Cooperative yesterday evening.  V interesting.  Place where kids go when they don't want to go to main stream high school.  Main message re Joey was relax, let the deschool and then design a curriculum that will focus on his passions.  So that is what we will do. 

Izzy played with Grace this afternoon and now is playing with Jesse.  Joey played with Chris and jack and is now playing with Aaron.  All kids from this street, or the next street.  Nothing arranged.  No playdates.  The kids just turn up.  This will be a big loss. 

I am questioning the value of the blog.  I just don't seem to have the time/energy to write anything at all interesting!  Why is this?  It is certainly true that having Joey at home does take up a good deal of time and energy.  And my new business keeps me busy.  I believe that I am starting to get traction with North American Power, starting to understand it better and to see the real potential.  Big day today as one of the big not for profits that we are working on has an executive committee meeting to discuss this. If they say yes, and I think they will, then that will be a big step forward.

We are moving stuff over to the house and plan to make the actual move when I come back from Ireland - heading over for the 30th anniversary celebration of our graduation.   But really don't want to leave the Boro!  I like walking to the café, shops, pub.  They are nice people here.  Went to the D & R Ball on Saturday.  We actually KNOW lots of people here.  Compare that to the number we knew after 2 years in Oxshott.

Much better couple of days with Joey, a joy to be with most of the time.  Working out well with Remy, our new day-time child minder, and played nicely with Chris and Jack.  let's hope it lasts.

Another rough day with Joey.  We went up to Ridgewood.  Rob and crew were there and it was also Anne's Uncvle Dick's b'day - he lost his wife a couple of weeks ago.  Anne and I both spoke to him about how difficult the afternoon might be and how important it was, particularly for Anne, that bpth the kids be very well behaved.

In some ways Joey did try very hard - a bit too hard in some way, slightly hyper.  But in other ways, it was not a good afternoon.  we know that Joey is over-active and finds it hard to do nothing, but, despite what Anne told him, he kept coming up and telling us he was 'bored' and then demanding more food that he could not eat, and complaining that Danny did not want to do anything etc etc.  Anne was very upset.

Two very rough evenings with Joey, which ended in him calling Anne and ugly witch (although I thought that the second word was an even nastier one).  All starts with either dinner and a 'This is all disgusting' approach from Joey, or bloody Minecraft and not getting what he wants from it.  Coincidently, we allowed Joey to have, as an experiment, chips two days ago, chips in batter.  If Joey is better in the next day or so, we will know how bad an impact 'illegal' food has on him.  V upsetting for all of us, 

We close on our new house tomorrow and are both rather underwhelmed by the prospect.  Not sure why, perhaps just the general uncertainty in our lives, perhaps also the fact that we do really like living in the Boro, and the kids have all the neighbouring kids to play with.  Oh, well, we shall see what happens when we actually move.

We are still alive but I struggle to find the time or the energy to write much.  We are closing on the house next Wednesday, my little windpower business is keeping me busy - have not actually earned much yet but am now up to about 14 people enrolled, of whom 4  or 5 have the potential to do well.  What I  really need is  for a few not for profits to sign up, then I will be on a roll.

And, of course, the kids take up lots of energy, especially joey being at home all day.  We have decided to hire somebody to help out, basically being a companion to joey so that he is kept busy, and allow us to get on with everything else.  We were recommended a young man called Remy and Anne and Joey met him.  Seems to be what we need so he starts Monday.  Hopefully, that will work out well.

Joey had a very good Monday and Tuesday morning but not such a good Tuesday afternoon.  The problem is that - because of insecurity, we think - he tries to dominate the conversation, the play or other kids.  And then gets upset and over-reacts when things don't go his way.  This happened yesterday when he was playing with the neighbours kid.  It was getting a bit edgy and L's Mum called him in.  I asked Joey to come home and he stood there and simply refused.  So what was a minor episode became a major one. 

The other problems is that Joey struggles to listen and accept what Anne and I tell him about this, that this is why some kids don't want to play with him anymore and why he risks having Alex and Maury getting tired of his behavior as well.  He has to change.

On the positive side, he is listening more than he was and most of the time he is fine.  Chris and Jack came around later and the kids had a great time playing outside.  They love playing with Joey because he is so full of energy and ideas.  If he could just be more secure and hill, he would be fine.

I am wasting away!  Down to below 190lbs ie 13 stone and 8lbs.  Haven't been this light, I think since school.  Apart, perhaps, when I had Denge in Brazil. 

The lawyer in Rio has told us that the case is over.  Great news but the bureaucratic stuff might take a few months yet to get out of the way.  We hope that she has been cautious and she has said that she will do everything possible to get it finished.  A good egg, is Debora.  So no short trip in May/June but looking positive for July/August.

One step forward, two steps back, or so it seems with Joey.  Not sure how to describe what is happening except to say that he has an almighty chip on his shoulder.  Not only does he still over-react, and in a nasty way sometimes, but he then blames the counter-reaction on everybody else.  We are all 'mean' to him.  He complains about everything, it seems, and never sees the positive.  And then complains that he doesn't have any friends.  The sad bit is that, most of the time, he is a great wee kid, and a wonderful playmate.  But he does not get it that other kids will not put up with his over-reactions and moaning.  Woe is me!  My life is awful!  You are all mean to me!

It does drive us nuts at times and Anne had a very difficult day yesterday. She gets the worst of it.  And, unlike me, she never gets to get away.

I had a chat with Joey in the car this afternoon about how important it was to be extra-nice to Mummy as she was tired and it was Mother's Day.  We picked up Anne from Lorna's, where she had had a very pleasant Mother's Day lunch, and were all driving home.  Joey asked what was for dinner and Anne told him bouillabaisse.  "Ugh, that's horrible!  Disgusting!'.  And it went down hill with Anne and I then at fault for being mean to him.

We are struggling to know how to get this negativity out of him.  people used to say that our home was a really happy one.  Not at the moment.  And we worry about the effect on Izzy.

We have also told Joey that, if this continues, then he risks Alex and Maury distancing themselves from him. 

Joey is a lot happier now, less stressed and worries, less impulsive and angry, more affectionate and just like the real Joey.  Good progress so far.
And he is using his time usefully.  He would, of course, prefer to spend the day watching TV and playing Minecraft, or so he says, but he has stopped asking for it and instead is happy being ;busy; at drawing and playing.  His drawing is coming along very nicely, he has some real talent there, especially in drawing the expressions on the faces of people or animals.

Anne spoke to Deb and explained what she witnessed.  It made no difference - and we wouldn't want him to return there anyway.  The environment is too toxic for Joey.  Some of the kids know that they can wind Joey up and get away with it because attention will be focused on Joey's reaction.

So be it.  We know that Joey has his issues but we also know what a great kid he is.  he has;
dyslexia
dyspraxia
sensory processing disorder (probably)
ADHD in some form
insecurity issues from his first year.

We now are starting to think that this latter is perhaps more important than we thought.  Essentially he was very neglected and mal-nourished, his basic needs were not taken care of.

Given all this, he does remarkably well,  And we will help to do better.  First thing is to take the pressure off.  No school for a while.  Let him do the things that he enjoys.  No kids to wind him up at school.

I went to the Princeton Learning Cooperative today.  This is for teenagers who don't fit into main-stream schooling.  They are allowed, and helped, to pursue their interests and their passions at their own pace.  And, guess what, most do well, much better and much happier than when they were in school.  The guy there, Joel, was very helpful and understanding.  He supported 'de-schooling' Joey until September, which was very reassuring.

It will work out OK. 

Joey - leaving school.  Well, that incident on Monday has had serious ramifications.  I was called by the Director, Deb, yesterday morning with the news that, in short, the School had decided that Joey would not be able to participate in Honk or attend any of the field trips that he was going to participate in.

I have now learned more about what happened from Anne and believe that Joey was more sinned against that sinning in this particular incident.  But his track record has let him down.
Essentially what seemed to have happened is that Anne came upon the two boys backstage.  Michael had Joey in a head-lock and Anne told them to break it up.  When free, Joey swing at Michael.  He connected with his cheek but it was a very light touch.  Michael cried a bit but within a minute was OK,  Anne asked him if he was OK, wanted to see his Dad etc.  He was fine and shortly thereafter the two boys were playing again.  The teachers were busy with the play and everything seemed OK so Anne did not tell anybody and then had to leave in a hurry as she was already late for a funeral. 

It now seems that Michael told his parents that he had Joey in a headlock only because Joey was hitting him.  They kicked up a fuss and the school, we are told, were critical about the fact that Anne had left without informing anybody about this incident.  Hence the harsh reaction.

There is nothing that we can do about this now.  Anne will call Deb to explain what she saw happen and why she did not tell anybody.  From what we have heard, Michael is a conniving we shit who enjoys winding Joey up.  Joey, of course, struggles to react appropriately and, as mentioned, has a track record of impulsive behavior that means that Michael's version will be believed.
Very frustrating and Joey is very disappointed.  He was possibly the most talented kid in the play and was really looking forward to doing this.  It would have been great for his confidence.  A real pity.

Joey is pretty much out of school now, only going in for the play rehearsals - and even then we have been asked that one of us sit in as Joey can be disruptive.  I have some sympathy for him.  They have been rehearsing since September and are now on to 3hr long rehearsals.  That is a long, long time for an over-active 10 yr old to keep still and follow instructions.

But even that doesn't keep him out of trouble.  Anne went backstage to find Joey throwing a punch at Michael.  Fortunately, Anne had seen that Michael had been holding Joey in a head-lock and that Joey was just defending himself.  Seems that Michael had been messing about and Joey had asked him to stop.  Which is rather unusual.  Things escalated and Joey does not know how to back down.  But, as I told him afterwards, he has the right to defend himself if need be.  And, by all accounts, it was a sweet punch, connected with the kids face and made him cry!

So I p[assed 53 years of age on Friday.  Nothing much to write home about.  Hard to believe that I will be 60 in 7 years time, and I don't even feel middle aged.

Still no news from the lawyer, which is very frustrating.  We had hoped to take the kids there for a few weeks before we have my other son over, Alex, but that looks unlikely now.  And we can't tell the kids until we are certain.  We are all dying to get out there.

Still no confirmation from the court on Isabela's case.  There was some movement in the Rio court a few days which we believe was just an advice from the Supreme Court that the case was finished.  But we cannot confirm that.  Very frustrating.

30 people looked at the blog a few days ago!  Who are you?  Please let me know!

So we have decided to buy some more land in Brazil - a small granja near to the farm, about 16 hectares with plenty of water.  Not sure it makes sense from a farming, economic perspective.  But outr bet is that, with Joao Pessoa growing, it will significantly increase in value in the long term.

Joey was much better today, which indicates that the food does have an impact.  Only problem is that Anne allowed to cheat on two foods - bread and chips.  So we don't know which one caused the reaction.  Next time, he will only be allowed to cheat on one!

They are doing test at school so Joey was off today, 'home schooling'.  I took him to plant trees as part of my volunteer work with the D & R.  He enjoyed that, mainly because they were some good bugs, and then we found some deer bones.  In the afternoon, we all went up to a lovely spot in Pennsylvania - Bowman  Hill Wildflower preserve.  Kids had  a great time and actually spent an hour painting before messing about in the river. 

Just realized that I have not updated where we are as regards Izzy's adoption.  The lawyer has confirmed that Baixinho did not submit any appeal within the deadline.  So it is, indeed, looking good.  But no champagne yet.  She is seeking a document from the court which clearly states that this is over, and also confirmation that we are not on any list anywhere that might interfere with travelling in and out of Brazil.  But, let's be honest, it is looking good!

Annie allowed Joey a bit of bread and some chips on their visit to Philly.  A mistake.  Bit of a delayed reaction but he has been very volatile the last couple of days.  It is very draining.

Joey's intro into home-schooling

It is, sadly, not working out at the School.  His dyslexia is severe and, although, he has made great progress in reading and writing, he is still trailing.  He also has these social issues and an inability to fully control his responses which has meant that, although he seems OK with other kids, few of them want to do what Joey wants to do, he is having incidents on a regular basis at breaks and he thinks that he has no friends.

He desperately wants to get things right but knows that he is not and that makes him deeply unhappy at times.  Part of the problem is that we are focusing so much on the things that he is not good at - reading, writing and maths - and behaviour and far less on the things that he has a talent for.  The result is that we are constantly on top of him.

anne thinks that he may have sensory sensitivities. See earlier blog.  This makes everyday 'things' stressful, on top of being nagged by us.  Just too much for a 10 year old.  So let's focus on the things that Joey is good at, or shows a passion for.

Anne took him to Philadelphia last night, went to a Rodin museum, had dinner, went swimming and are attending an art museum this morning before going to our Brazilian restaurant.  Anne reported that he has in great form, enthusiastic, affectionate, not argumentative etc etc.  This is what we need to do with Joey.

Izzy's first sleepover

Izzy had her first sleepover last night, with her wee friend, Meaghan.  Here is the report from Meaghan's Mum;

They were up late last night (in the bedroom but it took a while for them to calm down...like 3 hours) LoL   We checked every hour and they Finally fell asleep at midnight exhausted. haha

They will be sleeping in today!

I plan on taking them to the gym at 12:00pm. I can drop Isabela off around 3:00pm.

They had a blast last night at a park I call Sunset Park.  They are scheduled to watch a movie this morning and then maybe to a library, lunch and then to the gym.

It will definitely be memories of a lifetime.  I send you some cute pics.

Still no news.

Two days after the deadline for the appeal against Izzy's adoption and nothing on the website.  So looks good.  BUT lawyer has not yet come back to us to confirm so we avert nervous.  Anne is stressed. Watch this space.

Today was the deadline for Baixinho to appeal.  Nothing on the court website which, obviously, is good news.  But did he submit and it has simply not been put up?  The public defender did gate the case papers out on 10 April.  What does that mean?  Tense.

I took Joey to his first University lecture today - Diet, food production and the environment.  V interesting and he enjoyed it.  Also showed the Bill McKibben movie, 'Do the math'.  He does get this stuff.  But, apart from that, not a great day for him.  we are struggling to know what to do.

Izzy had her first swimming lesson - and did very well.

Feeling better today.  Partly because I did not go to the pub last night and partly because I had  along chat with Anne last night.  She has ben researching something which would seem to apply to Joey; Sensory processing disorder.  See Wikipedia description below.  Still challenging but, if this is what Joey has, at least we will know and be able to tackle it.  We have arranged for Joey to be seen by an occupational therapist with experience in this field - he saw her last Friday - so hopefully will have some confirmation on this, and some ideas on how to address it.

Sensory processing disorder or SPD is a hypothesized neurological disorder. While SPD is not yet recognized in standard medical manuals such as the ICD-10^[1] or the DSM-IV-TR,^[2] the term sees use by some practitioners and patients to refer to a range of difficulties with taking in, processing, and responding to sensory information about the environment and from within one's own body (visual, auditory, tactile, olfaction, gustatory, vestibular, and proprioception).

For those identified as having SPD, sensory information may be sensed and perceived in a way that is different from most other people. Unlike blindness or deafness, sensory information can be received by people with SPD, the difference is that information is often registered, interpreted and processed differently by the brain. The result can be unusual ways of responding or behaving, finding things harder to do. Difficulties may typically present as difficulties planning and organizing, problems with doing the activities of everyday life (self care, work and leisure activities), and for some with extreme sensitivity, sensory input may result in extreme avoidance of activities, agitation, distress, fear or confusion.^[3]

The term SPD is now often used (though not without controversy) instead of the earlier term sensory integration dysfunction which was originally used by occupational therapist A. Jean Ayres as part of her theory that deficits in the processing and interpretation of sensation from the body and the environment could lead to sensorimotor and learning problems in children. The theory is widely acknowledged, but also has generated tremendous controversy.

Some state that sensory processing disorder is a distinct diagnosis, while others argue that differences in sensory responsiveness are features of other diagnoses.^[4] The American Academy of Pediatrics, for example, advises against a diagnosis of SPD unless it is a symptom due to autism spectrum disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, developmental coordination disorder, or childhood anxiety disorder.^[5] The American Psychiatric Association also recently rejected SPD as a diagnosis to be included in the recently updated DSM-5, and requested additional studies be done before the disorder can be recognized.^[4] On the other hand, SPD is in Stanley Greenspan’s Diagnostic Manual for Infancy and Early Childhood and as Regulation Disorders of Sensory Processing part of the The Zero to Three’s Diagnostic Classification.^[6]

There is no known cure; however, several therapies have been developed to treat SPD.^[7] Because the amount of research regarding the effectiveness of SPD therapy is limited and inconclusive, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises pediatricians to inform families about these limitations, talk with families about a trial period for SPD therapy, and teach families how to evaluate therapy effectiveness.^[5]

Rough day with Joey.  Started well and Anne took the kids to the Princeton Art Museum, which they enjoyed.  We had scoped out a restaurant which we judged would have enough of the food that Joey can eat.  But it was closed so we ended up at another one.  before we could stop her, the waitress plonked bread down on the table and Izzy grabbed a slice and started eating it.  Joey, already slightly edgy because he was hungry, had a fit and would not back down - we had agreed that we all, as a family, would share his diet.  But we had hoped that, over time, he would accept that Izzy, at least, could have the odd treat.  In general, in any case, we think that his diet is a healthy one.  But he was not in the mood for compromise and I was not in the mood to give sympathy to his complaints.  Ruined the day and I feel lousy that I cannot do better, that we cannot find a way to help the kid better but also that Joey cannot himself do better.
Anne and I are in agreement on most things but - and I am not sure how to put this - think that we should expect more of Joey and that he can do better, show more empathy towards Izzy and be prepared to listen more.  But who knows who is right.

We have always been against using drugs for Joey but I am starting to feel that it might be the lesser of two evils.  We are simply not continuing the progress that we had hoped for and I worry where we are going.  If we cannot get Joey more stable, and happier, then what will happen when he hits his teens?

And, of course, I had forgotten to mention that Joey has dyslexia, some ort of ADHD and intolerances to some foods.  Quite a few foods.  So, not surprising that he finds life challenging at times.  Poor kid - does really well all things considered. 

We have some odd new friends.  Anne was invited to the following;
Hi. I wanted to touch base about tonight.

For me, I am up to a relaxing sharing, rather than a very intense study.

Here is what I am planning:

After a very brief centering meditation, I will read Steiner's verse for this week.  I will also print out a copy of what is going on in the cosmos this week, and then we can discuss the two. 

We can look at Steiner's first curative lecture, but I don't see us spending the bulk of our time with this.  I would like more joy and nourishment.

 

I would also be happy to share a song and maybe we even move along with it if this seems right.  

 

If anyone has a poem or song that inspires them that they would like to share, please bring it along.

 

At the close of the evening I will read one of Steiner's evening verses.

 

By the way, for the Steiner meditations, verses, I am using a book titled, "Start Now!  a book of soul and spiritual exercises" by Rudolf Steiner and edited by Christopher Bamford.  Perhaps everyone can get a copy, and we can use it as we go forward.

 

I will make an herbal tea and if I have time a little bitty nut/coconut dessert.

 

Anne declined.  Bit odd,  And no wine.

We are going through some difficult time with Joey.  Despite all the progress that he has made, he still struggles in some ways.  The main problem is that there is a combination of the following;
- he is a bit immature
- he still does not read social cues correctly and can over-react
- will stand his ground and not back down or melt into the background
- he is incredibly energetic and never stops moving and finds it hard to keep still
-  he talks a lot
- he loves being with other kids and wants, wants so badly just to be accepted
- he is smart - enough to know that he has a problem
- he is smart in the sense that he is very sharp, good with words and his imagination means that he comes out with stuff that other kids can find weird - or he picks up on mistakes on what they say

The combination is a challenging one, and means that he is less and less sociably accepted at school.  Not completely ignored or disdained but just not really welcome in any of the groups.  Same with Chris and Jack here in the 'hood.  Anne sent the following email to his teacher this morning;

Joey had a really bad night yesterday. He was crying that the other kids all think he's annoying. That he doesn't want to be annoying and that he tries really hard to fit in. Sadly, I think it's probably all true. We're not really sure what to do at this point. We were prepared to let him stay at home today but he woke up in a pretty good mood and seemed to be putting a brave face on so we have sent him in. I am very worried about him and even though we'd love to see him at least get through the play, I don't want his self esteem to be completely destroyed if the social situation has deteriorated like he says.

If he seems to be struggling today let me know and I will come get him.

As Joey left the house for school this morning, Anne was in tears.  After a very hard day yesterday (which involved misbehavior on his part) he put on a very brave face this morning, shouting out of the car window that he loved Anne and Izzy and would be OK.  He did the same with me when I walked him part way to the school building from the car.  Lots of hugs, as if he was going into battle.

He started well today but something happened and he misbehaved or got into some sort of trouble again.  Nothing serious but it is simply hard work for his teachers (Ms H is a goddess) and annoying for the other kids.  My virtuous circle has been transformed into a vicious circle.

Hard to know what to do now.  We think now that Joey might have sensory disorder.  Too hard to explain now but it seems to fit him.  Main question now is do we encourage Joey to face up and finish the year or do we think that a 10 year old should be happy and do what needs to be done to ensure that?  Watch this space.

Very busy trying to get energy business going.  Hard work and I do not feel that I am a natural salesman, despite some people saying the opposite.  Quite a few people have said that they will sign up with NAP but never seem to get around to it!

But we have some important meetings with some big charities and they could be the break through that we are looking for.  I am working closely with Kathleen, who is a godsend.  V smart, committed and connected.

Also not sleeping great - waking up too bloody early.

Joey had a poor week last week, not focused at school and behaving immaturely at home.  Still better than he was before the diet but not good enough.  We are thinking of homeschooling, which will be a huge challenge.

Just back from 24hrs on Mohonk Mountain with my lovely wife and no kids to celebrate our 10th anniversary. Bliss. Lots of hiking, some wine and much needed intimate moments.  I am a lucky man.

Tenth wedding anniversary yesterday.  Where did it all go?  I am a lucky man.

Joey and school - had a chat with his teacher Ms H yesterday.  After some great days, Joey started off in a bad mood yesterday and never really recovered.  Not awful, but unable (or unwilling) to focus properly and therefore to make any progress.  Hard work for all around.  I was worried about this.  He had been great in the mornings until yesterday; bright, happy, chatty, responsive, funny, polite etc.  Yesterday started OK but then, out of nowhere, came a sullenness and then a 'huh, this is going to be the worst day of my life' approach.  Pretty much silence in the car and, of course, we were late to get going and then hit traffic (don't want to exaggerate here; not much but there is one crossroads that can back up and delay you an extra 5 minutes!) which meant that we arrived at the school in time for work to start.  We normally get him there 10n minutes early so that he can have some time drawing, chatting and preparing.  Being plunged straight into work never really works out for Joey.

Ah well, another day, another challenge.

Isabela's adoption; just received an email yesterday from the lawyer.  The Ministerio Publico was officially informed on 10 April which means that the public defender now has 10 days to submit any appeal.  That will end on 20 April but, as that is a Saturday, the deadline will effectively be 22 April.

Anne, being the pessimist that she is, is convinced that Baixinho will appeal.  I think that he will not. Won't be long before we find out who is right.  Either way, our lawyer thinks that it could all be over in a month.  Could be.  No counting chickens yet.

Izzy has settled into her new school now.  It took a few days - it seems that  the kids weren't quite as welcome as we would have liked and Izzy was feeling rejected.  And she is somebody who makes friends very easily.  But we seem to have gone past that stage now and she was very happy yesterday.  Anne has now met some of the other mums - spent most of yesterday morning with them in Boro Bean! - and has lined up some playdates over the next week, when Izzy is off school.  That will hopefully cement friendships with some of the other kids.

Kids still in good form.  Helped by the sunny weather - in the eighties at the moment.  We had a first today - on the way back from school, instead of heading straight to the playground, Joey asked Anne if they could go swimming in the creek I had taken the boys to before.  Before Anne could say anything, Joey finished off by saying 'if Izzy doesn't mind, of course'.

First time.

Both seemed to have had good days - and Izzy has made a wee friend, which is all she really needed to get going.  Joey had a bit of a slow start to the day at school, but then had a good day.

Kids were great at home - helped by it being over 70 degrees and then playing outside in trunks and with the hose!

But not quite there yet.  Joey was generally in great form all weekend but then at bedtime started on about how unhappy he was at school and how he has no friends.  And how us praising him for behaving well was embarrassing because this was only what other kids did anyway so he shouldn't be praised for it.  He was the same this morning.  V frustrating.  It is almost as if he doesn't want to be happy, or perhaps is afraid of it, of then being disappointed.  So he looks for reasons not to be happy, including being praised for making progress!

Izzy as well was complaining about her new school.  She ha an unfortunate start there but I am confident that it can be turned around quickly, once she is accepted by the other kids.  But, more broadly, she has become much more clinging and shy recently.  Not sure why, but my own view is that it is likely to be because of the issues with Joey, which she is witness to.

Nobody ever said it would be easy.

A good weekend for all.  Anne and I went to a charity ball.  A bit sedate and a lot to pay for a sedate evening but pleasant enough and it was good to get out and meet some people.  I wore my kilt which was a hit.  Always attracts attention and a good conversation starter. 

Spring has arrived, finally, and it has been lovely to get out more.  We have taken the kids to the local playground the last 3-4 days and there has almost always been other kids for both of them to play with.  Astonishing, though, how many kids there are with some sort of learning issue, or something on the autism spectrum. 

The new house we hope to buy has been appraised and at roughly the price we are paying, so that is looking good.  We are still hopeful that the long-drawn out saga with Izzy's adoption will come to an end  shortly and have allowed ourselves to start dreaming of what we might do over the summer.  Fingers crossed.  The future of the Bioeconomy Institute is not looking great - the interested companies are simply not committing themselves to supporting with cash.  But I am putting in some good groundwork with the North American Power project, 

So, all is well in the Juleff household in Hopewell.

Email in from lawyer in Rio. Latest decision was published today, finally.  Baixinho's public defender should be notified within 10 days and they then have 10 days to appeal.  The court is not now looking at the merits of his case, more at the procedural aspects.  Our lawyer is confident that, even if they appeal, it will be considered and dismissed very quickly.  We are very close to the end of the process. 

Can we really be in that position now?  After 4 years?  Back to the ranch this summer?  We are starting to believe that it might be so.

A great day for Joey, according to Mrs H.

Anne had an interesting chat with Joey last night.  She was praising the fact that he is doing so much more by himself, and reacting maturely to setbacks which would have invoked an over-reaction a short time ago,

But he is unhappy because he knows that we should not need to praise what for other kids is usually established behavior.  He is embarrassed by it.  The reality is that Joey still is a bit immature and still struggles with certain scenarios, but he is intelligent enough, and mature enough now, to recognize it.  Which is a great sign.  Still a work in progress, but Joey is getting there.  He is, at heart, a great kid and if he can match his intelligence and talent with maturity and better social awareness and control, he will be fine.  More than fine.

Not such a good day for Izzy, sadly.  She had expressed a little bit of unhappiness yesterday after school at the fact that the other kids in her new school had not been very friendly.  Today she was even more upset and when Anne went to pick her up, she was playing all by herself, whilst all the other kids were running around in groups.  Now, if you know Izzy, you will know that she is a very sociable and likeable kid, one who makes friends very easily, given a chance. 

So we are very disappointed that the school and teacher have seemingly not made the effort to ensure that the other kids make her welcome and include her.  We shall speak to them.  We do not want to be helicopter parents or make a fuss not needed, but this is not really acceptable.

Joey went off to school happily enough.  Helped by having bacon and eggs on toast this morning.  We are slowly introducing eggs back into his diet and see how that goes.  The bread is made of almond flour and eggs, another great result by Anne.  The bacon is pure pork, with no additives.  Very tasty.

Joey's first date today, with Catherine, at her place.  Went very well.  He put on his best clothes and she dragged him up to her bedroom.  They kissed.  when I asked if she liked it, he looked at me in surprise and said 'What do you think?!"
Back at school tomorrow.  Fingers crosesd.

So Izzy loves scribbling wee notes.  She gave me two to read.  Not proper words, you understand, so I asked her what they said.  She said that the one for Anne read;
Dear Mummy,
I love you so much.  You are the best Mother in the world,
Love

Izzy

And the one to me?

Dear daddy,
I love you so much.  You are a big, buoffy, fat daddy-man.
Love
Izzy

Kids.  And I have a lost about 15lbs!

Very busy at the moment.  House purchase in Princeton is under attorney review, so assuming nothing goes wrong, we might be the new owners of a house shortly.  In negotiations to buy a small granje near the ranch in Brazil.  Owner has refused our first offer but we will not budge - it is not worth more and we don't want taken for a ride just because we are gringos.  Izzy starts new school, the Waldorf, next week.  Joey back to school as well, and we are hoping that he will be OK.  We are researching homeschooling, just in case!
Deadline for fundraising for the Bioeconomy Institute is 12 April.   Not sure if we will get the matching funds.  Right down to the wire.
And my new sales job with North American Power is starting to take off.  I have enrolled my first customer, have several commitments to do so but, more importantly, have a number of good people and organisations seriously considering it.  If only half of them come through, it will be the basis of a good business - and being able to make a real difference by switching people from fossil fuels to renewables. 

Kids have been in great form.  Off to Ridgewood to spend night with in-laws.

I do enjoy the evening ritual.  Usually.  Anne normally takes Izzy up to bed, between 7:00 and 7:30.  Despite the fact tat she has her own lovely bedroom with Princess bed, she does not use it.  Anne reads to her in our bed and then lets her fall asleep there.  30 minutes later, Joey's turn.  Up he goes and whilst he is brushing his teeth, I pull out the trundle bed from underneath his bunk bed.  I read to him for a while before he is ready to fall asleep. 

Before we go to bed, I will pick up Izzy from our bed, and take her into Joey's room, where she will sleep on the trundle, next to Joey.  Like two little angels.  Hmm.

Izzy is delighted as she has been accepted into the Waldorf School, starting next week.  Strange how she is so excited.  She is not exactly unhappy where she is, although she has been grumbling a bit recently.  We think that it might be the prospect of making bread one a week, which they do at the Waldorf.

Joey has been a bit edgy last couple of days, and a bit teary.  Anne gave him some cough medicine yesterday morning and wonders if that may have triggered it, as it contains sugar.  That would be the first sugar he has consumed in about a month.    Might also be thinking about return to school next week.

On the plus side, even when he has become edgy and teary, it is nothing like it used to be, so there is great progress.

Big week for work coming up soon.  March 31 is the deadline set for getting the matching funds to launch the Bioeconomy Institute.  4-5 companies still considering.

And should hear level of interest in NA Power from the mayor and a few other key figures.  It's all go!

So, a pleasant evening last night with my lovely wife as we made some decisions.  Over a tad too much wine.  First is that we will buy the house that we looked at near Princeton.  Our dream house?  No, but no work needed, good configuration, decent yard (2.5 acres), pool and within easy cycling distance of Princeton - and a longish walk.

Two - we will get an au pair, a Brazilian, a man.  No, this is not Anne not trusting me to be alone with a cute Brazilian.  But we think that an active young man would be really good for the kids.  And ease the pressure on us.

Third - looks as though we will buy some extra land near the ranch.  A small grange, about 26 hectares.  Well watered, Juarez will use it to grow produce and feed for the cattle.  But we also think that it would be a good investment.

I think that we also decided some other stuff.  But I can't remember.

Email from Brazilian lawyer;

Anne, bom dia.

 

De fato, encaminhei um advogado ao Julgamento que informou que o Superior Tribunal de Justiça negou provimento ao agravo regimental do Paulo Moura.

 

Ele pode interpor o recurso de embargos de declaração, no prazo de 10 dias, a ser contado da intimação do Defensor Público. Acredito que em 1 mês tenhamos um decisão final.

 

Só precisamos ter um pouco mais de paciência. Está acabando!

 

Abraços,

Basically, Shorty has one more appeal, which he must do in 10 days.  She believes that, assuming he does, we will have a final decision in one month.  One month.  Can that be true?  Could we spend this summer on the ranch?  Fingers crossed.

Anne looked on the court website.  The court has given a 'final judgement' in our favour.  Clearly good news, but what does it mean exactly?  Is it really the end of the road?  Or is there another appeal, or two?  We need tp know.

But we spent a pleasant hour last night over a bottle or two of wine imagining what we will do if we can go back to the ranch this summer.  Bliss.

I have been invited up to meet the CEO of North American Power, the company that I am trying to sell renewable energy for.  I have put some ideas forward around getting the town involved so this will be a great opportunity to discuss them.

Meeting with school director went very well yesterday.  We had feared that we would get a last warning for Joey but she was v positive, had some ideas (including medicating him, which we would only do as a very, very last resort) and is clearly fond of Joey, sees the great potential that he has and regards him as one of a kind, in a positive way!

Great news and big day today.  Brazilian lawyer emailed us yesterday to say;

O agravo regimental interposto pelo Paulo Moura será julgado no dia 21/3/2013, amanhã, às 14 horas.

 

Solicitarei a um advogado para acompanhar o julgamento e lhe posicionaremos em seguida. 

 

I short, there will be a judgement today on Izzy's case.  This was very much out of the blue and we are not sure what it means exactly.  But it is movement, and much quicker than we expected.  So, fingers crossed!

Interesting little exchange with a neighbor.  He son is a great wee kid but also suffers from some social skills issues - he is slightly autistic.  Generally Aaron and Joey play pretty well together but it ended rather badly last time.  Hence the exchange below between Anne and the Mum.
 

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry, right?  They said hi outside today.  Glad Izzy is feeling better.  Would you be able to have Jess from 9-11 Thursday?  I was supposed to be in Arron's classroom but it's no big deal to cancel.  Let me know what you think...

xxx

On Mar 18, 2013, at 10:29 PM, Gery Juleff <gjuleff@hotmail.com> wrote:

Izzy seems to be over whatever bug she had. Fingers crossed she's OK tomorrow. We'll definitely get them back together soon. It's not surprising they run into the occasional difficulty when one has trouble verbalising and the other can't read nonverbal cues!Joey thought the play date was going great until Arran announced that he wanted to go home. Our work is cut out for us but I think when the weather improves and they can play outside they'll be fine.

We'll talk soon and let's aim for Friday morning for Isabela and Jess.

Anne

 

---

From: xxxxx
Subject: Re:
Date: Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:16:59 -0400
To: gjuleff@hotmail.com

Oh Hi Anne!  I didn't see these til now and thanks for both messages.  I came to email you to see how the meeting went... sorry it got cancelled.  Please let me know when you get it rescheduled and I'll hopefully be free to watch the kids.  Maybe it's best for the breather... I also feel so badly Arron blew up at the boys' playtime.  I also hope they can put it behind therm.  It's so tough when two kids without a complete set of social skills between them have a dispute; neither knows how to handle it.!!! We'll talk more off line and plot a regroup for them.  Hope Izzy feels well soon and no one else gets it!  Think Friday am, perhaps?

xxxx

On Mar 18, 2013, at 12:13 PM, Gery Juleff <gjuleff@hotmail.com> wrote:

xxx

In the end the meeting was canceled because both Isabela and the principals had a stomach virus. Poor Izzy threw up twice this morning and she's now passed out. I changed the care plans because I was worried about my two misbehaving and disrupting Kevin's phone call at 11:00. Isabela had been very whiney and sensitive the last two days (I now know why) and I was worried that Joey might be agitated in your house after the dispute. If he hadn't had a phone call it would have been fine but I didn't want to risk it. Besides, without Jess around, playing with Lynedon would have been more fun for Izzy and Joey can certainly be home alone if there is a next door neighbour around.

Let's try to do something later this week if Izzy's up for it.

Anne

Great way to start the day.  Joey came down as I was working and said that the first thing that he wanted to do this morning was give me a big hug.  Which he did!  Followed by Izzy.  Great to see the two kids in such good form.

Poor Izzy was rather off colour for a few days, with an upset tummy.  We suspect that she ate too much cake on Joey's birthday. Anne makes the cakes with lots of nuts (almond flour) so she just might have had some problems digesting it all.  Happily, she is much perkier now.  Unfortunately, we had to cancel her 'interview' with the Waldorf School yesterday. 

We also had to cancel the meeting with the Director of Joey's school, who had asked that we come and speak to her about Joey, as she was ill.  Should take place in the next couple of days.

Joey has been in great form for the last couple of days.  Played really nicely either by himself or with Izzy.  No significant over-reaction.  Energetic without being manic.  Funny, imaginative, affectionate. 
Why the change?  Not 100% sure.  Perhaps the diet is kicking in.  We have spoken to him about the over-reaction and emphasized that, now that he is 10 years old, he cannot do this - and also warned him that as of today, we would be having a zero-tolerance policy towards it.  We have also spoken more to him about his early days and even shown him the street where he was born - amazing what you can do with Google Earth now!  He is off school for 2 weeks, which no doubt helps. Whatever the reasons, he has calmed down and seems much happier.  Let's hope it continues.

 Possibly worst St Paddies Day so far? Went to local pub. Bad 'Irish' singer singing rebel songs. Barmen got uptight when I pointed out how to pour Guinness properly, Two mates turned up who had two pints each. Pub closed at 10.30. Oh for the days in Rio when Andy Mac went for 20 pints at Padraigs Irish pub, or New York when the music was great at Eammons's or the Green Derby, or Kampala when the nuns sang and we all danced, or Kinshasa when we danced on the bar. Still, it is small town America and it is Sunday night so shouldn't have expected too much. And it was a 'Hungarian' bar, and they are a nice bunch. It is what it is.

Joey has had a great birthday so far.  Excited and enjoying it, but well-behaved with it.  Hos main problem has been that he over-reacts to every little disappointment, and in a way that sounds like a 2 year old rather than a 10 year old at times.  He must stop this and Anne and I have now spoken to him about a new regime.  After a couple of days 'transition', every time he does that moan, he will have 3 seconds to stop (initially) or will be sent to castigo or  lose his privileges  - TV and minecraft.  We have told him that as a 10 year old, he cannot behave this way, that it drives us nuts and makes us all unhappy.  He has responded well during this transition period, hopefully it will last.

Received a lovely message from his Brazilian friend, maury;
oi joey sou eu maury feliz aniversario tenha um dia bem feliz e divertido queria estar ai com vocer para comemorar o seu aniversario mais eu vou sempre estar do seu lado seu amigo maury

Last bit reads 'wish I was there but will always be at your side, your friend Maury'.

So a lot going on at the moment.  I am busy with both my projects.  Raising funds for the Bioeconomy Institute - need to get the $1m in place by 31 March to unlock other funds.  Nothing so far but we have support from KPMG and 5 companies considering.  We shall see.  Then there is the renewable energy work.  Again, I have not actually enrolled anyone yet, but have put in some good groundwork, am talking to some good people and organisations and am hopeful for a breakthrough soon.  It would be nice to start earning some money after all this investment in time and effort.

And we are househunting.  Saw some lovely houses yesterday.  We are working on the assumption that a) there will be nothing available in Hopewell Borough ie in walking distance of the pub and b) that Joey will not be at Cambridge after this school year.  He will either be at the new, small school in Princeton or being home-schooled.  Saw one yesterday, currently owned by an Irish poet, which used to be a tavern and in which George Washington is believed to have supped a pint or two! Who says there is no history in America!

As regards Joey, he has had better days Wednesday and yesterday.  Anne and I need to sit down and think how best to address his concerns over his birth mother.  If that is what is making him like this, then it is a relief in the sense that at least we know and can hopefully reassure him and get him happier again.

Home-schooling would be challenging.  We would need tutors and have to put a lot of thought into it. His teacher thinks that it might be the best option;

He had a very good day with my class and I haven’t heard anything from anyone else.  I still think that he would benefit from a home schooling type of learning.  He is so smart and there could be a concentration on his interests.  There would be less stress and he could do social things in small groups. 

Stephanie,

I wanted to let you know a few things. First, Deb has requested a meeting with us on Monday. She forwarded the e-mail we received from Cari about Joey's misbehaviour and said she wanted to discuss it. We have a feeling that Joey might not be welcome there next year. Which would at least solve the dilemma of whether or not we sign the contract.

The other thing I wanted to share with you is a text I received from xxxxxxx. I saw her briefly yesterday and mentioned that Joey had been unhappy. She asked xxx about this and he said, "Joey is sad because his mom didn't want him and his mom isn't his real mom". This is the first negative comment we have heard Joey make about his adoption. He has been more unhappy than usual at home but when we talk to him he always says he doesn't know what's bothering him. Perhaps his approaching birthday has stirred up some emotions and his adding to his anxiety. We will obviously talk to him about his adoption and hopefully he will feel better. We don't want to betray xxxx's confidence , so we won't mention this exchange, but we are very glad Naomi told us and we wanted to let you know as well.

Anne

Joey has had a rough couple of days at school.  It is almost as if he has decided that he doesn't want to stay and is deliberately misbehaving.  After all the progress that we had had with the diet etc, this is very frustrating and disappointing.  The Director has asked to see us next week.  Not good news.

Some sad correspondence with Ahmed about Joey and boxing;

Good morning Ahmed,

I am very sorry to say that, for the time being at least, Joey will not be returning to boxing.  Essentially, he has had some social problems at school.  Nothing major but on a couple of occasions there has been some sort of argument with another kid and Joey has taken up a boxing stance ready to defend himself/attack.  I personally see nothing wrong in that, but the school has a zero tolerance for any sort of fighting and his teacher, who is very much on Joey's side, has said that if Joey was to throw a punch and connect, he risks being expelled.  I still strongly believe that boxing is good for Joey on so many levels but we cannot risk him being expelled.  Whether the school is right or wrong to take this attitude (and my feelings would probably be similar to yours) is irrelevant - it I what it is and we are not going to change that. 

It is a real pity.  I think that Joey has really benefitted from the time that Joey ha spent with you and am very grateful for the way in which you have encouraged and coached Joey.  I will also miss the sessions - I was hoping to take it more seriously and use the boxing as a way to get back into better shape. I hope that circumstances change and that Joey (and I)will be able to return, but for the time being we will have to find something else to do on a Saturday morning.

Thanks again, good luck with the gym and I hope that we can resume in the future.

Best regards

 

Gery

 

Hey Gery,

So sorry to hear that Joey will not be boxing any more. I am no longer shocked at the school's positions. It is pretty Pathetic that we cannot teach our children to defend themselves against unprovoked aggression! Thank you for your kind words and trust in my training. Please do not forget that Joey isn't gonna spend the rest of his life in a school. One day he will graduate and he should know how to stand up for himself. This is not about fighting, it is about learning to be a confident man who is willing to stand for his beliefs.

Best of luck to both of you and hope to have you back in the gym again.

Thank you once again for your kind words and your business.

Ahmed

 

We are on the same page on this, my friend!  Such is 'progress'  Small as he is and with his attitude. Joey WILL need to be able to look after himself!.    One day we will be back in the gym, I hope.

I have been making very slow progress in my new business venture, basically trying to sell renewable energy.  But had a very good meeting today with the head of an environmental not-for-profit who is very interested in signing her organisation up.  That would give me access to 6500 members.  If I only got even 20% of them to sign up, I would start to make some decent money.  Not counting chickens yet but fingers crossed.

A better day for Joey today, thank goodness.

I have become an activist!  Following on from a Bill McKibben talk I want to at Rutgers some time ago, I went to a meeting of the New Jersey Climate Action Network Sunday evening.   Little bit like the scene ion 'Life of Brian' where all the rebels break up into factions over tiny nuances in positions but great to see so much passion and enthusiasm. 

On a different subject - I am wasting away!  Down to 195lbs this morning, less than 14 stone!  never thought that I would reach that weight again. 

Finding it hard to type this but we are still struggling with Joey, despite the progress made with his diet and behavior most of the time.  We learned yesterday that he was not well-behaved during the rehearsal for the school play on Saturday.  He would not focus and kept messing about.  Then Mrs H told Anne after school yesterday that he a) had some sort of confrontation with another kid during break and b) did not really do the work in class.

Then at home he was very difficult with Anne during homework.  He was struggling with his maths but refused to let Anne help him then became very 'difficult'.  Anne lost it a bit and was very upset.  It all escalated and there were tears all around.  I was in the basement with Izzy trying to distract her but she gets upset when she hears this, understandably. 

Ms H thinks that Joey might do best with home schooling. She hopes that he will finish out the year at Cambridge but fears that he is simply not keeping up and will struggle even more next year.  It is not that he is not smart enough - he is.  But he will not focus enough and therefore is not absorbing the knowledge that he needs to progress.    

It is so frustrating.  He is such a great kid in so many ways but simply will not try hard enough often enough.  We are not sure what to do.

Anne had a great weekend in NYC with Rob.  Was a little bit 'tired' Sunday morning!  But it was good that she got out and had some fun.  The kids were good with me and we all had a good time.  I took then to an interactive play in Princeton Sunday afternoon based on the Odyssey, which Joey loved.  I do think that he has real potential in the theatre. 

Anne in NYC with big brother at Allman Brothers concert. Just got a text saying that she will be back tomorrow. Maybe. Clearly enjoying herself far too much and being led astray by Rob. Kids have been great for me.

Joey and boxing;  Joey had a very good day at school today.  But there was one incident at lunch.  Not sure what started it but it seems that Joey was more sinned against than sinner.  But then over-reacted, not in the sense of crying but in squaring up to the other kid and taking a boxing stance.  It seems that there might well have been a fight had not a teacher intervened.  It also seems that a kid might get expelled for getting in a fight like this.  Not like in my day where if we were caught fighting and refused to make up, we were put in the boxing ring to sort it out.

Mrs H thinks that Joey should stop the boxing.  I am reluctant but understand.  I think that boxing is good for Joey and still believe that a boy/man does need to be able to look after himself physically.  You never know what might happen, and it is good for confidence.  Particularly if you are on the small side.  But we cannot risk Joey getting expelled so, sadly, I will take Ahmed that we will do the boxing no more.  A pity, as I was looking forward to using it to get fit as well!

Joey won his yellow belt at Taekwondo today, and a trophy.  He was delighted with himself.  The instructor said that he was the most enthusiastic student.  More photos at http://www.flickr.com/photos/16275813@N03/

Saw 3 houses today.  None perfect - one rather sad in that the house and outbuildings clearly a vibrant, working farm and community at one point, but the house looks as if it has not been touched since the 50s and would need a huge amount of work.  Second one in much better nick but would still need a lot of work.  Third one has a lovely, modern and well-cared for house.  In the woods with some 12 acres.  But is more expensive and isolated.  Hm,mm.  We need to see some more.

Off to school tomorrow to see Joey tested for hus yellow belt at Tae Kwon Do.

Good to be home and settling in again.  Went to the docs to get results of blood tests.  Nothing too worrying, but also not exactly quite the clear bill of health that I would have liked.  In short, some indicators of risk of cardio-vascular disease.  So, finally have given up the one habit that dare not be spoken about, cut down on the booze a bit, diet is good and more cardio-vascular exercise.  Back to the docs in 6 mths to see how it is going.  Key will be the nasty habit so that is now officially gone.

Looking at houses again tomorrow.  Nothing in the Borough, so we are looking outside.  The kids really do miss having space, as do we.  We also do like being able to walk into town but the main reason for that has been to go in with the kids for pizza, ice cream etc, which we can't do anymore.  So balance of advantages has maybe moved again in favour of some space just outside of town.

A nice email from Joey's maths teacher today;

Hi Gery and Ann,

 I just wanted to let you know that Joey had a great class today in math. It took about the first 10-15 minutes for him to transition into the class which is typical for him but once he settled in he did very well. He was participatory, stayed on pace the entire class and was very cooperative. I meant to tell him how proud I was of him after class but another teacher needed to speak with me so I will tell him so tomorrow.

 I will let you know any observations I notice the rest of the week.

 Best,

 Kristen

Mrs H also said that he had a  very good day (once he got over his usual first 10 minutes of grumpiness) and he was good at home.